Life is so painfully boring and pointless. Nothing to do

[iloverachel]

Life is so painfully boring. There is literally nothing to do for me on this Earth besides rotting at home.

Anxiety + agoraphobia + loneliness makes leaving the house pointless. I don't belong anywhere and am not welcome anywhere

Also anhedonia makes all hobbies and activities boring. I don't enjoy anything. I can barely finish watching movies or tv shows.

Who else here is also rotting at home most days with nothing to do?

 

[Unknown21]

Very relatable, especially the anhedonia part.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I relate, especially with the part of having anhedonia. There isn't really anything that I like. Life is so boring and painful. I hope that I can die soon and be free from this painful life

 

[sserafim]

I stay at home all day. My mom says that this isn't a way to live and that I should do something with my life, but I don't want to do anything. She says that I'm wasting valuable time away, but I never even asked for this existence anyways. Why should I be obligated to do something or make a living? (she expects me to get a job one day) I didn't ask to be born. It's all just so annoying

 

[iloverachel]

I stay at home all day. My mom says that this isn't a way to live and that I should do something with my life, but I don't want to do anything. She says that I'm wasting valuable time away, but I never even asked for this existence anyways. Why should I be obligated to do something or make a living? (she expects me to get a job one day) I didn't ask to be born. It's all just so annoying

Yeah I hate society anyway
I find it pointless to go outside because I'm clearly worthless to people anyway

Very relatable, especially the anhedonia part.

I relate, especially with the part of having anhedonia. There isn't really anything that I like. Life is so boring and painful. I hope that I can die soon and be free from this painful life

Anhedonia is the worst and I am sorry you guys go through with it too. Over the past few years I have tried so hard doing stuff to find a hobby to enjoy

Rock climbing, go kart racing, mixed martial arts, boxing, hiking, bowling, karaoke, basketball, chess, lifting weights, music, reading books, fishing, the list goes on

I didn't enjoy anything at all. Everything I tried was just boring as hell. I can't experience any pleasure or joy. The only thing I look forward to is sleep because that stops the pain temporarily

 

[letsgetittogo]

my parents are dead and I was forced to kind of go off on my own at a young age. I've gone to college, the military, made a career for myself and started making six figures.

It's pointless. I find no pleasure In "success" and I find no enjoyment in those achievements. I want to just rot at home to be honest; if I could shut myself inside and lay in bed all day, I would.

You're definitely not alone :)

 

[Untimely]

Agree with all of this lol, I just get up, go to work, sometimes hangout with my girlfriend, otherwise just chill and watch TV. Repeat forever

 

[iloverachel]

my parents are dead and I was forced to kind of go off on my own at a young age. I've gone to college, the military, made a career for myself and started making six figures.

It's pointless. I find no pleasure In "success" and I find no enjoyment in those achievements. I want to just rot at home to be honest; if I could shut myself inside and lay in bed all day, I would.

You're definitely not alone :)

I am sorry your parents died. The only reason I am alive is for my parents sake. Despite not being successful myself, I can totally understand. If I woke up with 10 million dollars, I'd still want to die as no amount of money can cure the brokenness and emptiness inside. I shut myself from the outside world most days when i can too. Decades of being a ostracized from society has made me resentful and miserable

Agree with all of this lol, I just get up, go to work, sometimes hangout with my girlfriend, otherwise just chill and watch TV. Repeat forever

Yeah it just seems like the same, repetitive boring pointless cycle. I can't imagine doing this for decades

 

[Untimely]

I am sorry your parents died. The only reason I am alive is for my parents sake. Despite not being successful myself, I can totally understand. If I woke up with 10 million dollars, I'd still want to die as no amount of money can cure the brokenness and emptiness inside. I shut myself from the outside world most days when i can too. Decades of being a ostracized from society has made me resentful and miserable

Yeah it just seems like the same, repetitive boring pointless cycle. I can't imagine doing this for decades

Yeah. i don't enjoy much of trying new things or doing random things. It seems like staying in my comfort zone is preferable

 

[letsgetittogo]

I am sorry your parents died. The only reason I am alive is for my parents sake. Despite not being successful myself, I can totally understand. If I woke up with 10 million dollars, I'd still want to die as no amount of money can cure the brokenness and emptiness inside. I shut myself from the outside world most days when i can too. Decades of being a ostracized from society has made me resentful and miserable

Yeah it just seems like the same, repetitive boring pointless cycle. I can't imagine doing this for decades

It's okay! Death is a part of life, that's why i see our choice to ctb as something natural :)
No money in the world will make me happy, at this point all I want is to rot in bed with a girl and cuddle and have sex. Maybe drink some wine and smoke a bit.
Career and Money and School and even most of my hobbies just don't bring me any joy anymore :p

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

i've been rotting for so long in the same four walls. i also suffer from severe agoraphobia. i dropped out of school when i was 15 and i've been stuck inside ever since. i'm afraid to leave the house because i don't want to get murdered by some random asshole. if my life is going to end, it'll be by MY hands.

i've been alone in these four walls, with my thoughts and the internet for 16 long years. it's this agoraphobia, fear of serial killers, my own mental illnesses, it keeps me from living at all. it's been 16 years of this hell and i see absolutely no chance of it getting better at all. i don't want to rot anymore, but there's too many people out there who would definitely kill me if i tried to live. i don't want to give them that chance.

i burden everybody because of this. rotting is all that's left for me to do.

 

[iloverachel]

i've been rotting for so long in the same four walls. i also suffer from severe agoraphobia. i dropped out of school when i was 15 and i've been stuck inside ever since. i'm afraid to leave the house because i don't want to get murdered by some random asshole. if my life is going to end, it'll be by MY hands.

i've been alone in these four walls, with my thoughts and the internet for 16 long years. it's this agoraphobia, fear of serial killers, my own mental illnesses, it keeps me from living at all. it's been 16 years of this hell and i see absolutely no chance of it getting better at all. i don't want to rot anymore, but there's too many people out there who would definitely kill me if i tried to live. i don't want to give them that chance.

i burden everybody because of this. rotting is all that's left for me to do.

Wow 16 years living like that sounds really awful I'm sorry you suffered for so long. That's twice as long as I have been rotting

I hope you find peace soon

 

[Untimely]

i've been rotting for so long in the same four walls. i also suffer from severe agoraphobia. i dropped out of school when i was 15 and i've been stuck inside ever since. i'm afraid to leave the house because i don't want to get murdered by some random asshole. if my life is going to end, it'll be by MY hands.

i've been alone in these four walls, with my thoughts and the internet for 16 long years. it's this agoraphobia, fear of serial killers, my own mental illnesses, it keeps me from living at all. it's been 16 years of this hell and i see absolutely no chance of it getting better at all. i don't want to rot anymore, but there's too many people out there who would definitely kill me if i tried to live. i don't want to give them that chance.

i burden everybody because of this. rotting is all that's left for me to do.

i'm sorry. that sounds painful

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

Wow 16 years living like that sounds really awful I'm sorry you suffered for so long. That's twice as long as I have been rotting

I hope you find peace soon

yeah, it's been very very long. :(

i hope you will too!

 

[letsgetittogo]

i've been rotting for so long in the same four walls. i also suffer from severe agoraphobia. i dropped out of school when i was 15 and i've been stuck inside ever since. i'm afraid to leave the house because i don't want to get murdered by some random asshole. if my life is going to end, it'll be by MY hands.

i've been alone in these four walls, with my thoughts and the internet for 16 long years. it's this agoraphobia, fear of serial killers, my own mental illnesses, it keeps me from living at all. it's been 16 years of this hell and i see absolutely no chance of it getting better at all. i don't want to rot anymore, but there's too many people out there who would definitely kill me if i tried to live. i don't want to give them that chance.

i burden everybody because of this. rotting is all that's left for me to do.

16 years :,)

Have you always had agoraphobia or did something trigger it / make it develop?

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

16 years :,)

Have you always had agoraphobia or did something trigger it / make it develop?

i have been asking myself this for so long! i used to be a very outgoing kid, i used to walk around my neighbourhood at night and go anywhere.
i used to walk home from school with only a little bit of fear of strangers getting me, but i have not ever been able to actually pinpoint the trigger that caused this so deeply at all.

i think it might have been after dropping out, i didn't want my mother to get in trouble for it so i tried to stay off the radar as much as i could (the school i dropped out from really didn't care about the students and what happened to them so it never got my mom in trouble) and then getting so into true crime at a young age and my developing mental illnesses all culminated into this crippling fear of ever leaving the house.

right now, i only leave to go to psych appointments and see other family members, but never alone. i always have someone take me places but there's just so much they can do and the things i need to get done. it'd be easier if i could just walk places (i've had terrible experiences with uber and lyft services so i've sworn off them and there's also a chance one of them could try to kill me too)

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I can't do anything with my life bc I don't have the means to sth and a wage slave job isn't the solution either. Then I'm also not able to live my life bc I have to spend my life time for sth else what I don't to do. Hence I'm rotting at home.

 

[divinemistress36]

I stay at home all day. My mom says that this isn't a way to live and that I should do something with my life, but I don't want to do anything. She says that I'm wasting valuable time away, but I never even asked for this existence anyways. Why should I be obligated to do something or make a living? (she expects me to get a job one day) I didn't ask to be born. It's all just so annoying

Does she know you are depressed?

 

[sserafim]

Does she know you are depressed?

I think so, but she still expects me to be productive and do something with my life. She says that I'm just "lazy"

 

[davidtorez]

Human existence is almost the same as a hamster on a hamster wheel. Pointless repetitive bullshit. Add in physical/ mental pain, then you got yourself a great combo! Sisyphus style living!

 

[HopingOnaMiracle]

i have been asking myself this for so long! i used to be a very outgoing kid, i used to walk around my neighbourhood at night and go anywhere.
i used to walk home from school with only a little bit of fear of strangers getting me, but i have not ever been able to actually pinpoint the trigger that caused this so deeply at all.

i think it might have been after dropping out, i didn't want my mother to get in trouble for it so i tried to stay off the radar as much as i could (the school i dropped out from really didn't care about the students and what happened to them so it never got my mom in trouble) and then getting so into true crime at a young age and my developing mental illnesses all culminated into this crippling fear of ever leaving the house.

right now, i only leave to go to psych appointments and see other family members, but never alone. i always have someone take me places but there's just so much they can do and the things i need to get done. it'd be easier if i could just walk places (i've had terrible experiences with uber and lyft services so i've sworn off them and there's also a chance one of them could try to kill me too)

Do/did you get professional help with these anxiety problems? What does your psych do with it? I really hope you'll be cured one day.

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

Do/did you get professional help with these anxiety problems? What does your psych do with it? I really hope you'll be cured one day.

i'm actively getting help from my psych, but there's only so much she can do to be honest. circumstances have me unable to get a therapist at this moment in time so i feel i have to just. rot like this.

 

[HopingOnaMiracle]

i'm actively getting help from my psych, but there's only so much she can do to be honest. circumstances have me unable to get a therapist at this moment in time so i feel i have to just. rot like this.

At least you have a click with your psych. I'm seeing 3 people only one I have a click with. I'm contemplating psychoanalysis. Maybe that is something for you. Why can't you get a therapist at this moment?

 

[Ironborn]

Anhedonia is an actual curse, trying to describe it to people who don't have it is impossible.
Everything is done just as a distraction or to kill time.
I've attempted to try new things or change aspects of my life but the feeling is the same, just pure indifference.

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

At least you have a click with your psych. I'm seeing 3 people only one I have a click with. I'm contemplating psychoanalysis. Maybe that is something for you. Why can't you get a therapist at this moment?

i've had psychological evaluations done, 2 in the past decade.
at the moment it's a financial issue, my psych and some meds are covered by insurance but the therapists i cant to see out need out of pocket pay and they're too pricey for me.
i really miss going to therapy so many years ago. circumstances got in the way and i had to stop seeing them and i've exhausted the resources at the same place as my psych where i last saw my therapists, so now they're all booked. i feel like i may be blacklisted from getting therapists there as the one i was scheduled to meet in 2021 i ended up oversleeping 3 times, and that's usually when you get fired as an unreliable client.
at least they took my insurance.

sighs.
it's so stupidly complicated. :(

 

[iloverachel]

I can relate. I've had anxiety and agoraphobia for about 8 years, bad to the point i can barely leave the house. Its not related to being scared of being murdered though, its more feeling isolated and ostracized from society. But prior to that i was able to go anywhere by myself, i would catch the train to the city and walk around just fine. I have no idea why my anxiety came out of nowhere and it was frustrating trying to explain to my therapists who say there must be a root cause and establishing a timeline and trying to figure this crap out

i have been asking myself this for so long! i used to be a very outgoing kid, i used to walk around my neighbourhood at night and go anywhere.
i used to walk home from school with only a little bit of fear of strangers getting me, but i have not ever been able to actually pinpoint the trigger that caused this so deeply at all.

i think it might have been after dropping out, i didn't want my mother to get in trouble for it so i tried to stay off the radar as much as i could (the school i dropped out from really didn't care about the students and what happened to them so it never got my mom in trouble) and then getting so into true crime at a young age and my developing mental illnesses all culminated into this crippling fear of ever leaving the house.

right now, i only leave to go to psych appointments and see other family members, but never alone. i always have someone take me places but there's just so much they can do and the things i need to get done. it'd be easier if i could just walk places (i've had terrible experiences with uber and lyft services so i've sworn off them and there's also a chance one of them could try to kill me too)

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

I can relate. I've had anxiety and agoraphobia for about 8 years, bad to the point i can barely leave the house. Its not related to being scared of being murdered though, its more feeling isolated and ostracized from society. But prior to that i was able to go anywhere by myself, i would catch the train to the city and walk around just fine. I have no idea why my anxiety came out of nowhere and it was frustrating trying to explain to my therapists who say there must be a root cause and establishing a timeline and trying to figure this crap out

EXACTLY. it's trying to find the real root cause of it. my friends are always telling me "well someone could just break into your house and kill you, you know." and it's like, yeah, i know. my room is purposely Home-Alone'd. i have weapons everywhere (legally ofc), i can deal with someone breaking into MY territory, but the outside is very different.

it also took me too long to realise it was een agoraphobia that was the issue. when i am outside i love being around people, but i can't stop wondering "someone WILL kill me out here, i need to go back".

i'm sorry you've struggled with it so much too

 

[iloverachel]

EXACTLY. it's trying to find the real root cause of it. my friends are always telling me "well someone could just break into your house and kill you, you know." and it's like, yeah, i know. my room is purposely Home-Alone'd. i have weapons everywhere (legally ofc), i can deal with someone breaking into MY territory, but the outside is very different.

it also took me too long to realise it was een agoraphobia that was the issue. when i am outside i love being around people, but i can't stop wondering "someone WILL kill me out here, i need to go back".

i'm sorry you've struggled with it so much too

Have you tried exposure therapy?
Like taking small steps and facing your fears? E.g. going out in public but in a tiny crowd like quiet park, and over time seeing if you get used to it and then working from there?

IT didn't work for me unfortunately, but it might be worth trying if you haven't

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

Have you tried exposure therapy?
Like taking small steps and facing your fears? E.g. going out in public but in a tiny crowd like quiet park, and over time seeing if you get used to it and then working from there?

IT didn't work for me unfortunately, but it might be worth trying if you haven't

yeah! the thing is though that i need someone to help me with that since i cant just go out alone because of my fears. i don't mind crowds at all, i like people. i'm just terrified of them.

i havent tried just. doing it alone though. i don't know if i can.

 

[iloverachel]

yeah! the thing is though that i need someone to help me with that since i cant just go out alone because of my fears. i don't mind crowds at all, i like people. i'm just terrified of them.

i havent tried just. doing it alone though. i don't know if i can.

I understand. I am also terrified of going out alone and most days i can't do it. Do you have any friends that understands your condition and may be able to help?

I really hope something works for you to improve this situation, as agoraphobia and anxiety is just awful.