• ⚠️ UK Access Block Notice: Beginning July 1, 2025, this site will no longer be accessible from the United Kingdom. This is a voluntary decision made by the site's administrators. We were not forced or ordered to implement this block. If you're located in the UK, we recommend using a VPN to maintain access.

Pomegranate

Pomegranate

"To die is gain."
Jan 21, 2022
80
I've been taking clomipramine and going to therapy for several months. Recently, I've gotten into acceptance therapy, telling myself I can handle all my distressing thoughts, instead of fighting them or running away from them. Today, I thought, "Hey, maybe I can go back and finish college, maybe even get into med school." But only then did OCD creep its snaky head. "Oh, maybe you're not really sick, why are you still receiving governmental assistance? Oh, you have an upcoming clinical trial, why are you on the waitlist if you're not sick anymore? Oh, what if you fail your classes and feel worse than before?"

Ugh!! I just finished weeping. I hate life. I hate the universe. I hate how pain is everywhere. I hate how pain was there tens of millions of years before we humans existed. I hate that there is no way to escape suffering but to kill oneself. This whole world revolves around survival rather than feeling good, and it's disgusting how natural selection can lead to something so messed up. I hate this life.
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: FormerlyFe(IV), pthnrdnojvsc, PyramidHead and 4 others
PyramidHead

PyramidHead

Member
Apr 27, 2023
40
Your feelings and condition are valid. I hope you get your thoughts sorted and things get better. The world is just unbelievably indifferent, and has a twisted sense of humor. Good luck, I hope your pain eases.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Pomegranate
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
43,705
I also hate existence itself and the suffering it's caused all throughout history, it's certainly something so horrific to me, I certainly see death as being the only relief in this hellish reality, I see the existence of life as being such a horrific mistake.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Pomegranate

Similar threads

qualityOV3Rquantity
Replies
20
Views
967
Suicide Discussion
Alexandra0
Alexandra0
catlover20
Replies
29
Views
1K
Recovery
FoxSauce
FoxSauce
suacide
Replies
11
Views
901
Suicide Discussion
huifu
huifu
Lxions
Replies
5
Views
570
Suicide Discussion
Sabrinaxox
Sabrinaxox