Life is extremely hard for me

[Painless_end]

I have some sort of neurobiological problem that is not diagnosable it seems. Atleast not by any current medical professionals.

I can't get interested in life at all beyond the basic things like food and personal hygiene.

I have no desire to learn or earn.

I have actually been like this all my life but it was still somewhat manageable when I was younger because I didn't have as many responsibilities then. I have still managed to scrape through an undergraduate degree in computer engineering and work in 2 different jobs for 6 years. Then I simply quit last year and said I won't do a job anymore.

Just to clarify, I am not depressed right now. I am just permanently numb.

My lack of interest in life is somehow not so problematic to me because I manage to live without goals by doing basic stuff but it's a problem for my parents because I am 31 and still live them. More importantly, I sit at home all day and only go out for chores. Otherwise I just blatantly refuse to acquire any new skill or get a job.

I just don't want to do any of those things. It's like I am completely tired of life and want to die. But I can't find the courage to CTB.

I just feel trapped. I want a way out.

 

[Ready2GoNow]

I feel you. The idea of working 5 days a week in exchange for only 2 days to do what I want to do, which I'll be too tired from working all week anyway, is enough to make me want to ctb in itself... I'll never understand how people are happy with such a mundane existence. Being working class is so depressing

 

[rt1989526]

I am similar to you. It may be a condition called dysthymia, a form of depression with milder symptoms but for extended period of time, so you don't really know you're depressed but you don't have any motivation or interests. Low energy, lethargy, you just hate everything.

Dysthymia - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[asani]

I've never dreamed about work. When someone asked me who I wanted to work as I said that it's not my dream to do something for 8 hours almost everyday and literally waste most of my lifetime on this bullshit.
Even now when I'm working night shifts my mother is trying to persuade me to get second job. But I won't be needed in money very soon.
So I feel you. And what about CTB, you know it's not something you should hurry with. Maybe your courage will come eventually or maybe it won't. Just don't force yourself and do it when you really want to. Good luck.

 

[Meditation guide]

It's like I am completely tired of life and want to die.

Have you seen any professionals about this? It sounds like depression possibly.

 

[Futile]

I don't think we have the same problem but I can relate with the not wanting to do anything part. What's the point if I know I won't gain anything from it anyway

 

[MariV]

my story...tried to work and be normal but it simply feels too pointless. i live with my mother and barely get out from home

 

[sadworld]

yeah i feel the same, my existence is pointless and i don't have anything to live for but i also don't want anything