life.sucks
i just want to die
- Nov 21, 2025
- 3
I don't feel anything anymore, just emptiness. I feel so alone, even though I have people around me. Every night I pray that I won't wake up again, so that I don't have to end it myself. My first thought when I wake up and my last thought before I fall asleep since 2022 is suicide. Suicide is the only solution. I know that suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems. But it never stops. I think and think and think. I just don't want to live anymore. Not a day goes by without me thinking about ending my life.
Sometimes I feel okay for a short time and I think everything will get better, but in the end it never does. I never feel okay. I tell everyone, "Yes, everything's fine, I'm fine," but inside I'm breaking down. I don't like to talk about my thoughts; I prefer to help others. I want others to be well so that they don't end up like me.
I have often tried to end my life, but my body fights against it and in the end I wake up again, in the worst pain. Actually, I like pain; it's the only thing that allows me to feel something and regulate my emotions. I often relapse and start hurting myself again. It feels so good, a brief escape from reality. I either feel this emptiness or all my emotions so strongly that they are unbearable. I often hurt myself to relieve the tension.
I often dissociate. My body feels completely numb, my vision blurs and I get stuck in my thoughts. I worry about everything and everyone, really everything. I'm just afraid of people, how they look at me, talk to me, criticize me, observe me, exclude me, comment on me, etc. I constantly compare myself to them: she has a nicer body than me, the other one is much more open and talkative, he's much smarter...
I hate myself. There is nothing in the world I hate more. I hate my thin arms and legs, my face, my nose, my height, my protruding ears, my thin lips—everything. I used to be so ashamed that I didn't dare go out anymore. Today, I don't care about anything anymore. Sure, people still comment on my body and say how thin I am. That hurts me every time, but I never let it show. Just like I never let anyone see that I'm feeling bad.
I learned in my childhood to solve my problems myself or to endure them. I still have flashbacks and nightmares from my childhood. Something triggers me and then I feel like I'm reliving the situation from the past. I feel the fear I have of my own father and can't breathe. Everything plays out again in my mind's eye. My whole body trembles and I can't escape these memories.
I have no purpose in life, every day is the same and it gets harder and harder to get up. If I were no longer here, life would go on. People would eventually get over it and continue with their lives.
I really struggle with my fear and depression every day. At some point, I just can't take it anymore. Everything quickly becomes too much for me. I have panic attacks and feel like I'm about to die because I can't breathe. I cry myself to sleep every night and wake up just as tired in the morning. No matter how much I sleep, I'm always tired. Tired of life.
Sometimes I feel okay for a short time and I think everything will get better, but in the end it never does. I never feel okay. I tell everyone, "Yes, everything's fine, I'm fine," but inside I'm breaking down. I don't like to talk about my thoughts; I prefer to help others. I want others to be well so that they don't end up like me.
I have often tried to end my life, but my body fights against it and in the end I wake up again, in the worst pain. Actually, I like pain; it's the only thing that allows me to feel something and regulate my emotions. I often relapse and start hurting myself again. It feels so good, a brief escape from reality. I either feel this emptiness or all my emotions so strongly that they are unbearable. I often hurt myself to relieve the tension.
I often dissociate. My body feels completely numb, my vision blurs and I get stuck in my thoughts. I worry about everything and everyone, really everything. I'm just afraid of people, how they look at me, talk to me, criticize me, observe me, exclude me, comment on me, etc. I constantly compare myself to them: she has a nicer body than me, the other one is much more open and talkative, he's much smarter...
I hate myself. There is nothing in the world I hate more. I hate my thin arms and legs, my face, my nose, my height, my protruding ears, my thin lips—everything. I used to be so ashamed that I didn't dare go out anymore. Today, I don't care about anything anymore. Sure, people still comment on my body and say how thin I am. That hurts me every time, but I never let it show. Just like I never let anyone see that I'm feeling bad.
I learned in my childhood to solve my problems myself or to endure them. I still have flashbacks and nightmares from my childhood. Something triggers me and then I feel like I'm reliving the situation from the past. I feel the fear I have of my own father and can't breathe. Everything plays out again in my mind's eye. My whole body trembles and I can't escape these memories.
I have no purpose in life, every day is the same and it gets harder and harder to get up. If I were no longer here, life would go on. People would eventually get over it and continue with their lives.
I really struggle with my fear and depression every day. At some point, I just can't take it anymore. Everything quickly becomes too much for me. I have panic attacks and feel like I'm about to die because I can't breathe. I cry myself to sleep every night and wake up just as tired in the morning. No matter how much I sleep, I'm always tired. Tired of life.
