Venting letting it out for a bit.

[magz]

I've been feeling out of place nowadays. The thoughts to keep alive and leaving this world keeps clashing. The memories of people's disappointment around me are coming back and it hurts so much. I feel so close yet so far with my friends. Everything that I do daily starts to gradually feel boring and uninteresting. I still can't believe I've become who I am right now. What happened to my usual self year ago, I can't remember. I've become more aware of my feelings and my mental state but it torments me more than ever before to know that I am like this. All I have left is my family to keep me going. Years ago, I didn't mind studying far away from my family but now I feel so broken without them beside me. Although, I can't really actually talk about my feelings I hide, it's my only place where I can find comfort and reassurance. The joy I feel around my friends is starting to feel fake and bitter. I hate it. They're not around when I fail, when I'm feeling down, when I feel unstable. They rather talk behind me instead of talking with me. I really can't fit in. I feel so lonely. I want to go home.
That's all my vent for today, finding out this forum is such a blessing.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really tiring what you are going through, I just think the harsh reality is that you cannot trust and rely on other people in this world and while I would always prefer to be alone I get that loneliness really is painful for other people. But anyway I wish you the best.