I lost everything this year. My partner, my home, my job, my cat. I have no way to support myself and stopped using drugs and the meds I've taken for decades, no money to do so. I had to move home to not starve. It has been months and I still feel terrible not using as I used to so I could cope with life. I have severe debt and no way to work now from my crazy life choices. I'm here with the bad memories of what I have done and no way to fix them, I know now I can't work the jobs I used to for several reasons, my behavior in the past has been absolutely crazy and has hurt others, no way to make amends. I am now a burden on my elderly parents who don't deserve to have me here and broken like I am. I have no other choice than to do my best to take away my life, otherwise I keep messing up any chances I have and my bad karma is coming to get me. There is more but too personal to discuss on this forum. I know I have made too many mistakes, I can't put myself back together, I can't afford the help I would need to do so, and basically I am out of options. I spend each day trying to partially hang myself as it is the only method I have at my disposal, no money to buy tools for SN etc, and it feels awful and I keep failing. So I am trapped, I need to leave this life, I can't fix things, yet I don't have the ability to hang myself like so many others seem to be able to do.