I cant let myself get lost in things anymore.

[Lou_Charthethird]

You people feel so alien to me. With so much emotions empowering you, it makes me feel ashamed of whats wrong with me. I cant say i feel any pain whatsoever. I know for a fact that theres immense underlying trauma but i cant feel it at all. Its as if im a happy person. Only there isnt any happiness on the inside. I cant let myself get lost in things like i used to. When i was a kid, time would pass while spent it watching a youtuber, or do an activity.i would actually do something , instead of whats going now. Im not me. now im constantly active, looking, watching. Im too self aware. I cant fucking exist because of this. I dont even know what happiness looks like, what i would do to have happiness. I know the only way to find that out is to unlock my sadness, to unlock my trauma. But thats impossible. So im locked away in this stupid fucking limbo, waiting for death cause thats the only thing that can assuredly end this

Im not in pain. I wish i was. Im not depressed. I wish i was.

Im not me im not me im not me im jot me im not me im not me