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mimiopo22

mimiopo22

Specialist
Dec 4, 2020
380
speak sincerely about why you want to die. tell your story. What went wrong. I love you all and it would be nice to read your stories because although they are different from mine, I could see myself in the pain you feel and feel understood by at least someone, finally knowing that in the world someone who suffers like me really exists.
 
W

WornOutLife

マット
Mar 22, 2020
7,165
I'm Matt, 32 years old. Been suicidal since I'm about 12. My main reason to stop existing is that I find life pointless. Get a girlfriend? Have money and a good job? Be in shape? Have a fast car? Be really in love and so on? I've had all of that and still felt empty because I was curious about the universe, conspiracies, aliens, the simulation theory, etc. I wanted to know more and even though I don't believe in any religions, I'm interested in "seeing" what happens after death. Or...is it just nothingness and just as I thought, the very fact of existing is absurd?

Another reason why I want to CTB (and failed to do so last August) is because I suffer from depression, gained lots of pounds, lost interest in love and meeting people or friends, etc.

All of the things mentioned above, have turned me into a NEET who wants to be isolated from the world and CTB by 2021. (hope to do it properly this time)

To sum up, I want to die because I find life pointless.


Now, what is your and the rest of the members of SS reason to CTB?
 
S

Symbiote

Global Mod
Oct 12, 2020
3,102
Mom sold me into a life of sex slavery with a bunch of pedos when I was 5. Lasted for 2 years when some of the pedos got caught and another suicided. Lots of abuse and trauma until I was 12. Became homeless and realized no one gives a damn about me, but cared for others. Brother found me, took me in under his wing when I was 14, excelled in school and joined band, but never really talked much. Puberty and depression kicked in full force, I ran away at 16. Ended up on the East Coast and lived with friend. Learned he was a hardcore Republican and misogynist. Went through years of therapy and deprogramming too.

28, got a job doing computer support, got really good at it, life started to turn around...met a girl, got married at 33, she turned my life upside down again, financially and emotionally abusive, sometimes physical. Attempted suicide at 35 with SN. Survived. May attempt again, but figured fuck it, just go through the divorce and see if I can survive that before I attempt again.
 
mimiopo22

mimiopo22

Specialist
Dec 4, 2020
380
La mamma mi ha venduto a una vita di schiavitù sessuale con un mucchio di pedofili quando avevo 5 anni. Durò 2 anni quando alcuni pedofili furono presi e un altro si suicidò. Un sacco di abusi e traumi fino a 12 anni. Sono diventato un senzatetto e ho capito che a nessuno importava di me, ma si prendeva cura degli altri. Brother mi ha trovato, mi ha accolto sotto la sua ala protettrice quando avevo 14 anni, eccelso a scuola e si è unito alla band, ma non ha mai parlato molto. La pubertà e la depressione sono esplose in pieno, sono scappato a 16 anni. Sono finito sulla costa orientale e ho vissuto con un amico. Ho scoperto che era un repubblicano accanito e misogino. Ho passato anche anni di terapia e deprogrammazione.

28 anni, ho trovato un lavoro come supporto informatico, sono diventata davvero brava, la vita ha iniziato a cambiare ... ho incontrato una ragazza, mi sono sposata a 33 anni, ha sconvolto di nuovo la mia vita, abusiva finanziariamente ed emotivamente, a volte fisica. Tentativo di suicidio a 35 anni con SN. Sopravvissuto. Potrei tentare di nuovo, ma ho pensato che fanculo, passa attraverso il divorzio e vedi se riesco a sopravvivere prima di tentare di nuovo.
amore mio, mi dispiace tanto. solo questo.
 
R

RepressedMind

Miss the full ability to think
Apr 24, 2020
160
Mom sold me into a life of sex slavery with a bunch of pedos when I was 5. Lasted for 2 years when some of the pedos got caught and another suicided. Lots of abuse and trauma until I was 12. Became homeless and realized no one gives a damn about me, but cared for others. Brother found me, took me in under his wing when I was 14, excelled in school and joined band, but never really talked much. Puberty and depression kicked in full force, I ran away at 16. Ended up on the East Coast and lived with friend. Learned he was a hardcore Republican and misogynist. Went through years of therapy and deprogramming too.

28, got a job doing computer support, got really good at it, life started to turn around...met a girl, got married at 33, she turned my life upside down again, financially and emotionally abusive, sometimes physical. Attempted suicide at 35 with SN. Survived. May attempt again, but figured fuck it, just go through the divorce and see if I can survive that before I attempt again.
Oh my god, I am so sorry that you've had to go through so many terrible events in your life, I wish you the best and I hope you find peace
:heart:
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Symbiote
S

Symbiote

Global Mod
Oct 12, 2020
3,102
I'm Matt, 32 years old. Been suicidal since I'm about 12. My main reason to stop existing is that I find life pointless. Get a girlfriend? Have money and a good job? Be in shape? Have a fast car? Be really in love and so on? I've had all of that and still felt empty because I was curious about the universe, conspiracies, aliens, the simulation theory, etc. I wanted to know more and even though I don't believe in any religions, I'm interested in "seeing" what happens after death. Or...is it just nothingness and just as I thought, the very fact of existing is absurd?

Another reason why I want to CTB (and failed to do so last August) is because I suffer from depression, gained lots of pounds, lost interest in love and meeting people or friends, etc.

All of the things mentioned above, have turned me into a NEET who wants to be isolated from the world and CTB by 2021. (hope to do it properly this time)

To sum up, I want to die because I find life pointless.


Now, what is your and the rest of the members of SS reason to CTB?

Life is pointless and everyone seeks creature comforts in life to pass the time. Even if it's pointless, I'd love to have a beer with you and just shoot the shit at the pointlessness of life.
 
W

WornOutLife

マット
Mar 22, 2020
7,165
Life is pointless and everyone seeks creature comforts in life to pass the time. Even if it's pointless, I'd love to have a beer with you and just shoot the shit at the pointlessness of life.

Hell yeah! It'd be awesome yo have lots of beers with you and talk about random stuff such as this ridiculous thing called life lol
 
Coffeandamug

Coffeandamug

Words are quite useless, and so am I.
Oct 22, 2020
109
My name is Thiago, I am from Brazil, 24. The reason why I want to CBT is that there's nothing left in this life that I truly want that I can have. I wish I had a boyfriend but I have very little chances of finding the love I am looking for. It's probably impossible. I am a NEET since 2014. Actually I had some part-time jobs but I don't consider them to be meaningful at all. I actually got to the college I wanted at the time, but due to some fucked-up reasons that I don't like to talk about, I didn't go. And then I never got the spark I needed to try to enroll again. I can't do anything that I find truly meaningful, I can't offer anything of value to the world. And the thing is, maybe I can still offer something, but if it's not something of true value I don't get the feeling of being useful. Well, I'm too fucked up at this age. I'm not useful, I'm not lovable. I don't see any goal that is worth pursuing because they all are empty for me. It's sad that I have some wonderful friends but it just donsn't "click" inside of me that this is a reason to stay. And I think that this "click" that goes like; "oh I have a reason to stay... I don't wanna go" can't be manufactored. In another words; there's nothing left to me that is meaningful in this world that I can have (again). And the lack of something meaningful also makes me suffer tremendously. It's like I am that poor kid seeing other kids being able to eat cake and play with toys and I don't have any of those things, nor means to get those things. So what is left for me is to cry over my miserable life.
 
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Neowise

Neowise

We fly and fly but never reach our destination.
Oct 7, 2020
353
I'm so sorry for all the negative stuff that brought you all here.

I explained my motivations in my first post here on SS to introduce myself (https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/introducing-myself-and-my-motivations.50373/). I'll just quote that:

So why am I here?
Depression has been a consistent and big part of my life, the first time I talked about killing myself was when I was 8 or 9 years old (now I'm 24). The core reason is probably my family. My father has 0 social skills so he doesn't really engage in normal "family life", and my mother is a narcissist who has said more bad things than good things to me throughout my entire life. Even though I am 24 she treats me like a 12 year old by not giving me the freedom / respect a normal 24 year old should have. Bad news is I am still living at home because I am studying at university and rents are really expensive here.
Basically I don't know what a real family is, I rather grew up by myself. I used to be a really extroverted kid but became an introvert and learned to live without other humans which can be good and bad and makes me happy and sad at the same time.

I have never really been popular because my character doesn't fit the typical stereotypes society wants you to represent. I've always had different hobbies and interests than all the others. I got mobbed from 3rd to 10th / 11th grade mainly by boys so my friends have always been female, I can't really communicate well with males nowadays because I never learned how to.

Generally I'd describe myself as a failure. My marks have always been average at best. I'm not very funny, I'm not very smart and everything I do turns out shit. I feel like I was born in the wrong society that only values you if you have success. I think I'd have a much better life if I was born in a native tribe in Africa or the south American rain forest, I don't know.
 
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E

eventhoitryicantltgo

Member
Dec 7, 2020
13
I lost everything this year. My partner, my home, my job, my cat. I have no way to support myself and stopped using drugs and the meds I've taken for decades, no money to do so. I had to move home to not starve. It has been months and I still feel terrible not using as I used to so I could cope with life. I have severe debt and no way to work now from my crazy life choices. I'm here with the bad memories of what I have done and no way to fix them, I know now I can't work the jobs I used to for several reasons, my behavior in the past has been absolutely crazy and has hurt others, no way to make amends. I am now a burden on my elderly parents who don't deserve to have me here and broken like I am. I have no other choice than to do my best to take away my life, otherwise I keep messing up any chances I have and my bad karma is coming to get me. There is more but too personal to discuss on this forum. I know I have made too many mistakes, I can't put myself back together, I can't afford the help I would need to do so, and basically I am out of options. I spend each day trying to partially hang myself as it is the only method I have at my disposal, no money to buy tools for SN etc, and it feels awful and I keep failing. So I am trapped, I need to leave this life, I can't fix things, yet I don't have the ability to hang myself like so many others seem to be able to do.
 

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