exactly I'm tired of debating with people
I am sorry
@Journeytoletgo. The sad thing is you shouldn't have to debate with people to justify your own experiences and valid feelings about looks and the impact they have on
your life. It's your reality - it's not a matter for debate.
With most subjects here, this seems to be understood. When the topic is appearance, there is always an argument and I'm honestly sick of it. How dare people read posts by someone in evident pain and tell them that the reason for that pain doesn't matter or that it's wrong. Even the very first response was essentially "it matters more for me [as a man] than it does for you."
People feel compelled to swoop in and insinuate that appearance is not important, pulling out all of the usual clichés that it's all in the eye of the beholder, it's all about self-love, it's all about personality with their eyes and ears firmly shut.
It's insulting if a rich person tells someone drowning in poverty that "money isn't everything" and "having money isn't all sunshine and rainbows, you know." It's insulting if a white person tells a black person experiencing racism that "skin colour doesn't matter, we are all one race" and "it's not easy being white." It's insulting if an able-bodied person tells a disabled person struggling with inaccessibility that "it's not about the disability, it's how you deal with it that counts - the only obstacle is yourself" and "not much would change if you didn't have a disability, life is hard without one too."
If you can understand why these statements are insulting, then you have the capacity to understand why it's insulting to say that "looks don't matter", or "they don't make a difference" or "you just need more confidence." It is condescending and incredibly invalidating.
All of the characteristics and circumstances I alluded to above matter and have a profound, far-reaching impact on people's lives - that is an objective fact. That includes appearance. If that somehow threatens you or makes you feel uncomfortable, that says something about
you, not the OP.
(Note that by "you" I refer to anyone who has said - or feels compelled to jump in to say - that looks don't matter or to invalidate the OP.)
It is outrageous to demand that a suicidal individual jumps through hoops to repeatedly explain and justify their suffering and suicidality. And for what? To satisfy
you? Because
you need to be "right" and cannot handle the reality that being objectively unattractive, ugly or deformed can have a devastating impact on people's lives?
Stop. If you read this thread and your first urge is tell OP that they are wrong or to spout trite platitudes, stop. Just don't. How would you like it if someone came to your posts and started spewing "life is precious" or "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem"? It's the same principle.
This community knows better than most how insidious these useless platitudes truly are. We know how harmful it is to have our feelings ignored and swept under the rug. We know how detrimental it is when society shuns and silences us for being suicidal and leaves us to wade through this tumultuous sea of suffering on our own. We know.
So don't you dare turn around and do those exact same things to someone else.
