Leaving the forum

[absolute]

Great post. Good luck I wish all the best.

 

[motel rooms]

Name checks out?

Yeah, people like Toxic Positivity often aren't familiar with the concept of irony.

 

[Foresight]

I enjoyed reading this post and will try to take a lot of your words to geart.
I find this site to be supportive. Most everyone here is sitting in a waiting room.
No one here encourages members to ctb and I do feel a sense of belonging.
I hope someday I'm able to leave the waiting room one way or another.
I hope you find happiness

Same. This is most definitely a place of possibility with living people who share stories, empathy, humor, and a need to be heard and understood in life regardless of how much time they have left. Obviously an effective and humane suicide is one of the possibilities, but other experiences are found. I only come back when I'm on the brink of death and want to either 1. live and feel a connection with like-minded people or 2. commit suicide humanely. There is choice. That's what it's about and I've known it for years. I do agree it's a waiting room. To say people have helped you immensely and then also call it a hellhole is a bit nonsensical I think. Don't ever forget your fortune either, some people will never have the chance to make the decision to live well. You're not hearing everyone out if you don't understand some people are simply cornered by physical, mental, and external misfortunes that are unbearable. This is an international community with people under various stressors, traumas, circumstances, health conditions, etc. Open your eyes.

I don't think you could fight my dragons by the way op. I'm glad you don't face them though, I wouldn't wish it on you. There are lives and experiences here that would leave you in another mind-frame, perhaps even "naval gazing". Everyone here has been to war with themselves and their lives. Good on you for your choice. You're subtly shitting on others which is anti-choice.

 

[Idontmatter]

Please don't take things like this to heart. Sometimes you'll see others to generalize everyone on the forum and assume things about them, but do not ever apply it to yourself. You know you better than anyone.

You have your reasons for being here, and whatever they are, it's okay. SS is a safety line for a lot of members; be it this forum, recovery, off topic or even the chat room. It keeps them going. I don't have anyone in my current life I can go to whenever, so I come on here as it really helps curbs my intrusive thoughts and anxiety. I completely get it.

I try not but I have a lot of self hatred. Plus my husband is scared that I'm going to do something so that guilt is tearing me up too. I'm just tired and exhausted from fighting a never ending battle. Plus it just pisses me off seeing people judging others. So many people have different stories, backgrounds and fights that they are battling on here and they need support. If it was as easy as picking yourself up after you fall then we wouldn't need this forum.

 

[odradek]

I am trying to take responsibility for my life. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, because it means I don't have anyone or anything to blame for everything that's gone wrong in my 30 years among people.

It's not depression. It's not childhood--it's definitely not parents. The awesome responsibility, power, tragedy, euphoria of being, that rests with me. The time for childish blaming and games and running into the arms of saviors is over. I have wrought my own fortune. Everything I have chosen is everything I have become.

I would like to become someone else. I am thankful for the love, joy, loss and attention I have shared with everyone else whose life is unfortunate enough to find themselves in a place like this. But I cannot get better here. Sanctioned Suicide is a waiting room, a kind of purgatory for me. A place to try to make alive the notion that maybe the responsibility rests not with me but with someone, something, somethings else. Or perhaps a place where I could explore the idea, play in the space, of a world in which the awesome burden of living is something that can be discarded, sent back to the Creator with a simple "no thanks." I have explored this territory and found it completely barren. It is a lifeless place, ultimately, because that is what it was crafted to be.

"Choice" is what is touted here. Here is a common response on the forum: "I respect your decision, no matter what it may be, and I hope you find peace." I hope none of you find "peace." I hope you all reckon with the dragons in your life and best them. I hope you get fucking scorched. I hope you cry helplessly on the floor, collect yourself, and choose to remain among people. I hope you soar far from and above this place when you are ready. A website called, "Sanctioned Suicide:" How could I have ever thought this was a place of possibility?

Goodbye to those who have helped me, guided me, calmed my frantic cries for help. Most of all, goodbye, and thank you, to those of you who have challenged me to think differently about the problem of suicide. Those of you who have helped me see through romantic notions of self-deliverance and "peace" (read: decomposition) that this pro-suicide hellhole promises, the lies that have been woven into it from its inception. Let's not call this place pro-choice. The users may be, but there is absolutely nothing about the design and administration of this website that does not explicitly encourage suicide, either actively or by passive culture-making. Ban me for this, I am already gone. But better, leave it up, if indeed you are "pro-choice." Leave it up so that my friends here can understand why I am offline, out somewhere in the world not navel-gazing but fighting for my fucking life. Leave it up for them.

Good for OP for facing their dragons. That's commendable. However, some of us get burned when we faced our dragons, to stretch the metaphor. We are all different and you are choosing the path of life. That's great for you, genuinely.

I would hardly call the forum a pro death hellhole. That's painting with a broad brush. In contrast though, there are certain users here who make this place pretty toxic, pardon the pun. But there are others who don't. There are also users who are just... misinformed, but not necessarily malicious. There are some juvenile POVs on here too. It's difficult to moderate a place like this I recognize. I don't really have much to offer here. The internet really sucks sometimes. Deep insight.

I think this post is a bit performative by OP tbh. "Facing dragons" is self help guru stuff at best and a deeply sardonic view of people and the world at worst. Bootstraps mentality.

Name checks out?

Yeah, people like Toxic Positivity often aren't familiar with the concept of irony.

There it is.

 

[Lullaby]

I try not but I have a lot of self hatred. Plus my husband is scared that I'm going to do something so that guilt is tearing me up too. I'm just tired and exhausted from fighting a never ending battle. Plus it just pisses me off seeing people judging others. So many people have different stories, backgrounds and fights that they are battling on here and they need support. If it was as easy as picking yourself up after you fall then we wouldn't need this forum.

I totally understand you and how you're feeling 100%. A lot here struggle everyday, especially with other people, out in the real world. We come on here to have a break from that.

Too much hostility on here lately, and it's just not needed. If people on here are ready to go, want to vent, or want to recover, then they deserve a safe space.

 

[MementoMori81]

Safe journey and good for you

 

[lyles]

I hope you are able to find happiness and that your journey out of here goes well. I think you put a lot of things very well here and I really appreciate this perspective, actually. Thank you and good luck <3

 

[motel rooms]

Too much hostility on here lately

You still haven't figured out that this is pretty normal for SS?

 

[Lullaby]

You still haven't figured out that this is pretty normal for SS?

Sometimes I wonder if I just secretly love the chaos lmao you're right, it's always like this.

 

[Pluto]

I've attempted to leave the forum before but I never burned my bridges so dramatically. You never know when you might want to come crying back.

 

[OneTime]

wishing you the best @Toxic Positivity ..........

 

[whatevs]

You still haven't figured out that this is pretty normal for SS?

Suicidal people can be either very sad or very angry, IMO. Some are serene and what not, but strong negative feelings should be expected.

 

[MementoMori81]

Suicidal people can be either very sad or very angry, IMO. Some are serene and what not, but strong negative feelings should be expected.

I'd say that's a very fair comment. Seems to me that it'd be normal for people's emotions to be on a roller coaster in such a place, and could swing heavily (even violently?) In either direction.

As for the OP, good for him/her. I, as much as anyone am in the process of looking for a way up and out. Here's to hoping everyone finds a positive way forward.

 

[Lullaby]

Suicidal people can be either very sad or very angry, IMO. Some are serene and what not, but strong negative feelings should be expected.

I used to help run one of the SS discord servers two years ago, I think Rain runs it now. It was really hard sometimes because not everything goes smoothly.

Drama is inevitable on social spaces, but it's harder when you're dealing with a bunch of emotionally charged people in a single space.

 

[Idontmatter]

I used to help run one of the SS discord servers two years ago, I think Rain runs it now. It was really hard sometimes because not everything goes smoothly.

Drama is inevitable on social spaces, but it's harder when you're dealing with a bunch of emotionally charged people in a single spa

Well you and Rain have and had a thankless job. I'm sure running this forum isn't easy. I'm not sure how much longer I'll be alive but thanks for all that you both do. It's helping me through possibly my last few months alive.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

Tons of SS members aren't lying when they say someone or something is to blame for everything (or the most important thing) that's wrong in their lives, & they are just as worthy of respect. I'm very much a grownup, but I'm sure as shit never gonna take responsibility for what my "father" did to my defenseless brain in my formative years; I'm sort of not a fucking masochistic idiot.

I meant the 2nd sentence, but the 1st was just to irritate people. I can't help myself. The temptation is just too hard to resist! Every single day I go through periods of self pity, blaming others for the shit heap that is my life, but also reminding myself of all the things I've managed to acknowledge were made so much worse by my lack of discipline, and all the things I've done that I knew at the time were wrong, but I just still did them anyway, and then came up with excuses for my behaviour, like I wouldn't be behaving like this if I wasn't mistreated as s child, even though my conscience was clearly working well, trying to guide me to tell me how not to fuck things up and how to make things better, and I was just deliberately ignoring it, then blaming my inability to make things better on people mistreating me in the past - I'm guilty of all these things every single day, and I see people around me every day doing the same thing - it's so common, and everyone finds it so ugly and childish in others, and hopefully in themselves too, if they've managed to get to that point of honesty with themselves, which is the necessary first step before using action to fix all the things that were imposed upon you by parents, teachers, bullies, romantic partners, etc - it's the most ugly state of mind, and everyone sees it, is guilty of it, struggles to admit it, to others, and more importantly to themselves - it's what the sermon on the mount is mostly about - the most ugly and childish form of it is bad-mouthing humanity, but claiming you are an exception i.e. humans are so selfish, I can't believe how selfish they are, I would never behavd that way - it's probably everyone's most life destroying problem, and probably the most annoying and aggravating thing we see in others, in ourselves, the thing that ruins lives more than anything, the hardest thing to overcome, the most beneficial thing to overcome - we all know this is our biggest problem, as individuals, the hardest one to admit, to accept, to execute - the only reason I knew that comment would annoy someone is because I'm so guilty of it myself, and since this chronic pain came along, I've struggled more and more to stop blaming others, mostly my Dad, for the cess-pitt that is my life, even though I know that I've allowed my health to deteriorate so badly over the last 10 years, the pain is likely all my fault, but it's so hard to admit that and then remain in that state of mind - I admit that I sometimes get pleasure from the anger and desire for revenge I feel from going over the past and dwelling on times when I was mistreated - my attempts to wind people up on here are attacks upon myself in a way, because I'm ashamed of my self pity, so I'm attacking others for things I am ashamed of in myself - and also because it's fun to wind people up!

 

[whatevs]

I meant the 2nd sentence, but the 1st was just to irritate people. I can't help myself. The temptation is just too hard to resist! Every single day I go through periods of self pity, blaming others for the shit heap that is my life, but also reminding myself of all the things I've managed to acknowledge were made so much worse by my lack of discipline, and all the things I've done that I knew at the time were wrong, but I just still did them anyway, and then came up with excuses for my behaviour, like I wouldn't be behaving like this if I wasn't mistreated as s child, even though my conscience was clearly working well, trying to guide me to tell me how not to fuck things up and how to make things better, and I was just deliberately ignoring it, then blaming my inability to make things better on people mistreating me in the past - I'm guilty of all these things every single day, and I see people around me every day doing the same thing - it's so common, and everyone finds it so ugly and childish in others, and hopefully in themselves too, if they've managed to get to that point of honesty with themselves, which is the necessary first step before using action to fix all the things that were imposed upon you by parents, teachers, bullies, romantic partners, etc - it's the most ugly state of mind, and everyone sees it, is guilty of it, struggles to admit it, to others, and more importantly to themselves - it's what the sermon on the mount is mostly about - the most ugly and childish form of it is bad-mouthing humanity, but claiming you are an exception i.e. humans are so selfish, I can't believe how selfish they are, I would never behavd that way - it's probably everyone's most life destroying problem, and probably the most annoying and aggravating thing we see in others, in ourselves, the thing that ruins lives more than anything, the hardest thing to overcome, the most beneficial thing to overcome - we all know this is our biggest problem, as individuals, the hardest one to admit, to accept, to execute - the only reason I knew that comment would annoy someone is because I'm so guilty of it myself, and since this chronic pain came along, I've struggled more and more to stop blaming others, mostly my Dad, for the cess-pitt that is my life, even though I know that I've allowed my health to deteriorate so badly over the last 10 years, the pain is likely all my fault, but it's so hard to admit that and then remain in that state of mind - I admit that I sometimes get pleasure from the anger and desire for revenge I feel from going over the past and dwelling on times when I was mistreated - my attempts to wind people up on here are attacks upon myself in a way, because I'm ashamed of my self pity, so I'm attacking others for things I am ashamed of in myself - and also because it's fun to wind people up!

This wall of text was your most succesful irritation technique to date.

 

[LastRide]

Characterizing this forum as a waiting room is generally accurate as members' lives and/or mental/physical condition(s) will either change, or they will change their perspectives about them, leading towards moving on in life or things will continue or worsen and they will choose to exit. The forum is then, by default, a waiting room for venting and ultimately deciding to circle the drain forever. or make changes, regardless of whether anything improves .... including the poor sentence structure of this post and careless use of commas. Good to hear you're picking a side and no longer have one foot on the dock and one on the boat (bus). The outcome of my life choices and mistakes along with certain circumstances beyond my control have set a trajectory that cannot be reconciled or managed; therefore, my upcoming exit is a firm and well-planned decision that has a timing I am bridging (waiting room) with beneficial support from the forum. Wish you the best!

Exactly ! There is nothing wrong with being a waiting room - and as in every decent waiting room there is literature about the topic that the waitng room had been set up for, as well as an opportunity to meet and talk to fellow "waiters" !

 

[Pain In The Ass]

This wall of text was your most succesful irritation technique to date.

Lol, I didn't realize how long it was, I'm just sat here in a supermarket car park, almost in an Oxy and Xanax induced coma, trying to articulate thoughts, whilst waiting for the Chinese takeaway to open..

 

[Toxic Positivity]

Sorry, this came out harsher than intended. Someone called me an ingrate. I think there's some truth to that. This place helped me a lot, so it doesn't make sense for me to excoriate it once I'm leaving. I apologize.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I am trying to take responsibility for my life. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, because it means I don't have anyone or anything to blame for everything that's gone wrong in my 30 years among people.

It's not depression. It's not childhood--it's definitely not parents. The awesome responsibility, power, tragedy, euphoria of being, that rests with me. The time for childish blaming and games and running into the arms of saviors is over. I have wrought my own fortune. Everything I have chosen is everything I have become.

I would like to become someone else. I am thankful for the love, joy, loss and attention I have shared with everyone else whose life is unfortunate enough to find themselves in a place like this. But I cannot get better here. Sanctioned Suicide is a waiting room, a kind of purgatory for me. A place to try to make alive the notion that maybe the responsibility rests not with me but with someone, something, somethings else. Or perhaps a place where I could explore the idea, play in the space, of a world in which the awesome burden of living is something that can be discarded, sent back to the Creator with a simple "no thanks." I have explored this territory and found it completely barren. It is a lifeless place, ultimately, because that is what it was crafted to be.

"Choice" is what is touted here. Here is a common response on the forum: "I respect your decision, no matter what it may be, and I hope you find peace." I hope none of you find "peace." I hope you all reckon with the dragons in your life and best them. I hope you get fucking scorched. I hope you cry helplessly on the floor, collect yourself, and choose to remain among people. I hope you soar far from and above this place when you are ready. A website called, "Sanctioned Suicide:" How could I have ever thought this was a place of possibility?

Goodbye to those who have helped me, guided me, calmed my frantic cries for help. Most of all, goodbye, and thank you, to those of you who have challenged me to think differently about the problem of suicide. Those of you who have helped me see through romantic notions of self-deliverance and "peace" (read: decomposition) that this pro-suicide hellhole promises, the lies that have been woven into it from its inception. Let's not call this place pro-choice. The users may be, but there is absolutely nothing about the design and administration of this website that does not explicitly encourage suicide, either actively or by passive culture-making. Ban me for this, I am already gone. But better, leave it up, if indeed you are "pro-choice." Leave it up so that my friends here can understand why I am offline, out somewhere in the world not navel-gazing but fighting for my fucking life. Leave it up for them.

I'm sorry I won't be seeing you here on the forum anymore and I'll miss your comments and theards, which I've always enjoyed and admired. I totally understand and respect your decision, I think this forum is just a go-to place for as long as we need it. I'm really glad you decided to try to turn your life around and I wish you the best of luck in the world. You deserve anything and everything. I hope you can find happiness and fulfillment.

 

[Sakura94]

For a start there is still a needless partners thread which acts as a smorgasbord for predators

People have met up with people here and gone through with it. See news articles. I'd urge caution but if it didn't exist there would be more people dm'ing others.
The recovery board should be promoted more. Make it more of a site about suicide and the methods section not be the main board. Anyone searching for those topics can easily find them already.
OP I'm glad you recovered.

 

[downndone2]

I've attempted to leave the forum before but I never burned my bridges so dramatically. You never know when you might want to come crying back.

Agreed, I'd simply just leave but do so with the door still open to come back easily if needed

 

[motel rooms]

Suicidal people can be either very sad or very angry, IMO. Some are serene and what not, but strong negative feelings should be expected.

I'm on this spectrum:

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

[YourNeighbor]

but this forum could be better, and a key factor here is the need for a better, serious and mature approach to moderation.

Preach.

I suppose those of us who stick around here just have to accept this place for what it is. I did get practical information on this forum I would not be able to find elsewhere. I am and will remain grateful for that. And about 5% of the threads are worth glancing at. I don't think this forum was ever meant to cater to an especially mature audience, certainly not judging by its origins.

If there was a place for grownups to discuss suicide, mortality, and imminent death online I'd be there instead of here. As it is, I'll keep sifting through threads here looking for the odd insightful comment and trying to ignore incel garbage and comments from those who wish peace upon every thread author here copypasta stylee, whether the thread author is suffering from a stubbed toe or a disappointing online porn sesh.

 

[Enigmatic Sailor]

You can check out any time you like but you can never leave.

 

[9BBN]

I agree this place is immature and the administration misguided a lot (I intentionally don't read most of what's on this site), but it's probably hard for some to take your criticism seriously because of your loaded Christian language. It's kind of revealing. Would have liked this post otherwise.

Sanctioned Suicide is a waiting room, a kind of purgatory for me.

Or perhaps a place where I could explore the idea, play in the space, of a world in which the awesome burden of living is something that can be discarded, sent back to the Creator with a simple "no thanks."

 

[whatevs]

Preach.

I suppose those of us who stick around here just have to accept this place for what it is. I did get practical information on this forum I would not be able to find elsewhere. I am and will remain grateful for that. And about 5% of the threads are worth glancing at. I don't think this forum was ever meant to cater to an especially mature audience, certainly not judging by its origins.

If there was a place for grownups to discuss suicide, mortality, and imminent death online I'd be there instead of here. As it is, I'll keep sifting through threads here looking for the odd insightful comment and trying to ignore incel garbage and comments from those who wish peace upon every thread author here copypasta stylee, whether the thread author is suffering from a stubbed toe or a disappointing online porn sesh.

My hypothesis is that the mods are the most depressed, despondent or actively suicidal in here, that's why they aren't that active, especially lately.

But when they were they had some political bias at times (the one you'd like, I believe), so the change wasn't that bad for people like me. I just needed to accept that some people will insult me and nothing will be done about it, but it goes both ways, hehe.

 

[Dysgenic Pup]

You can check out any time you like but you can never leave.

Ain't that the truth. There are a few internet communities that I've been in for years. I leave and always end up back one way or another.