Leaving family behind

[anonymous122]

I dont really care about how my death will affect my siblings or my parents. But im just worried how it will affect my grandma because she really seems to care about me. She lives alone and she doesnt really have any other family in the country and in basically the only one who comes and visits her.

Life has become unbearable for me with all my trauma and health problems. I just cant keep going on like this and it hurts to live everyday. Im tired because i do not have a home here ( i live jn a welfare program with 5 other people in one apartment), i also dont have family or friends here and i have expensive medications that i simply cannot afford and working seems daunting to me becausd of my anxiety and mood swings.

Im really stuck because my SN is coming aoon and im just worried that the thoughts of how it will affect her will influence my SI

 

[thebunny]

life can be suffocating most of the time. i'm sorry you're suffering like this. i understand that leaving people you care a lot about and/or those who care a lot about you is really hard. perhaps leaving a note for her would suffice, explaining to her why you had to go and such. i hope you're able to settle your thoughts and that you find peace soon. i wish you the best.

 

[BGooG]

I worry about my daughter. She's already suffering and fighting, and is so smart and incredible. I don't want to do anything because I fear it'll effect her. Then again, she left for university this past week, and she's barely texted since she went. Clearly I'm forgotten about. My wife just called me to scream at me about not cleaning out the vacuum. I'm sitting in my office, head on my desk, dreaming of suicide. But I have a full afternoon of meetings. I just want to die

 

[wljourney]

Leaving family behind is a huge challenge for many of us.
Same for me. It's rough.
I think the hardest part is that we can't prepare the people we love for the pain they will experience when we are gone. It would make things a lot easier for us if we could tell them that "this is what I want" and "I will be without pain and that is something I am happy about and looking forward to".

All those questions they will ask themselves. Could they have helped? Could they have stopped? Would we want them to stop us? Why would we want to die? Was there nothing "good" that kept us?

I think that's why it can be quite helpful and healing to leave a well thought out and well written letter.
Trying to answer as many questions as your family might have.

You could address yours to your grandma. Explain to her how you feel. That you will miss her and that you know she loved you. Maybe adding that she couldn't have loved you more and that you are grateful for it.

You will have to decide if you want to be blunt and honest about the other members of your family. Saying that you don't feel they cared or loved you. Or maybe you are o.k. with just not mentioning it at all since they will likely still grieve you. In some way or another.

It's complicated and very personal of course.

TL;DR: write a nice farewell letter to your grandma and tell her that you love her

 

[FuneralCry]

I agree about writing a note, that is what I would personally do as it could give those left behind some closure and mean that they are not left with unanswered questions. I understand that it can be awful enduring an existence which is constant suffering and I'm sorry that life has been so cruel. I wish you peace and freedom.

 

[Littlewittlelight]

I dont really care about how my death will affect my siblings or my parents. But im just worried how it will affect my grandma because she really seems to care about me. She lives alone and she doesnt really have any other family in the country and in basically the only one who comes and visits her.

Life has become unbearable for me with all my trauma and health problems. I just cant keep going on like this and it hurts to live everyday. Im tired because i do not have a home here ( i live jn a welfare program with 5 other people in one apartment), i also dont have family or friends here and i have expensive medications that i simply cannot afford and working seems daunting to me becausd of my anxiety and mood swings.

Im really stuck because my SN is coming aoon and im just worried that the thoughts of how it will affect her will influence my SI

Sorry you are going through this . Let her know you loved her and appreciate everything gonna be hard but I agree with what these people had to say it's all you can do and you are a human if there is any way that can better your situation or give hope try to give it another shot if not you are still the same human they can't and won't do everything for us. We either have to do it or find a way and we are humans if we have feelings and want the pain to end someway it could be either way getting help or any other way it doesn't make us any different from any other human. As long as I am a human I would try to keep understanding a little why we feel this way. I am sorry you are going through this.

 

[jane]

im in a similar situation. its a bit mssed up but i tell myself "if im dead, will it still matter?" thats def the heartless way to go and im constantly conflicted in my head.

 

[theboy]

I understand your situation. Leaving the family is very raw, have you thought about leaving a note?