Leaving a child behind

[ecmnesia]

I am very sorry that you've been through such pain. Although I am not a mother, I can relate with the struggles of loving and caring for family, and still not being able to stick around for them.

It's inevitable. The actions you take will surely have an impact in your children, there is no real achievable way to prevent this, which does not mean, I believe, you are obligated to stick around.

If you haven't try that already, I'd advise you to seek treatment as a first resource. Maybe with proper help and support you'd be able to recover, at least for sometime, until you are able to gather financial resources to possibly aid your children's life, and why not maybe heal? Although it's hard, and might seem impossible, it's still a possibility, and I dare to say, you have great chances since you have many reasons to hold on and keep going. You love your children, that's undeniable. It's not that your life should gravitate around them, but that might give you some strength, specially your baby.

But if you do decide that there is no other way, I think you should at least leave a letter to your children, something he can look at when he grows up, so that he can possibly understand what you went through and what made you choose cbt. Also, I think that one way of minimizing the problems he will go through, would be to stick around for some more time in other to get financial resources to help him, like you could apply to insurance. There is no way to guarantee how his live will be without you, unfortunately I don't think it's possible to ensure that your father's child will follow your desires, but there is always room for a try, it's not certain that he will comply to it, but there is a chance, that he might consider your wishes if you leave something explaining your reasoning to him. Plus, there is the fact that their lives will be brutally affected by your death, so their dynamics will most likely go through an unpredictable, for better or for worse, route.

Honestly, there is nothing I can say that will definitely help you, but I wanted to leave this suggestions just to show you that you have support. I hope you and your children can find happiness no matter what.

I agree that as a parent you are responsible for bringing a child into the world, they did not chose to be born and should not pay for others mistakes. Still, you are a person as well. Your kid is important cause being a parent implies selflessness, but it can't be that this is all there is to it. To a certain degree you should put them first, but it's also important that your well being is considered too. And with all due respect, is not that I intend to say that you're going to be a bad mother or something, but I don't see how could someone possibly be good to their children when the are miserable.

 

[LastFlowers]

I'm pro choice, everyone should have a choice. But your kids never had one when they were born. I really believe, if you put them into this world, it's your job to take care of them

I don't mean to sound harsh, but you should ask for help. Those kids deserve to grow with a mom.

I have to agree, I am all for the right to die and everything but there are always a couple of scenarios where I personally do not agree with the decision. Children leaving their parents behind is one thing because they did not bring their parents into this world, but parents leaving their children behind is a different thing entirely. Having children is one of those lifelong responsibilities unless each and every child explicitly lets you go when you ask if it's okay to "leave". It's especially bad when children are in more dire need of their parents and struggling with issues of their own, losing their parent can really be the end of them. I mean, I have only one parent who is just a fraction there for me emotionally and even losing that roller coaster of a relationship would fuck me over and I would have absolutely no one to turn to, at any time, in any degree.

 

[Lupgevif]

I want to know my son will have a good life and be well cared for.
How do I ensure this?

Not killing yourself and staying here to take care of him yourself.

 

[justpeachy]

"My family will not be affected by my passing. My biggest concerns are my 18 month old son, 20 & 22 year old daughters. I don't want to hurt them. I want to know my son will have a good life and be well cared for.
How do I ensure this? He has a good father, but don't think he will honor my requests for him. This concerns me."

Are your daughters, your son, and your son's father not family? Here's the thing, if you are going to leave him with this child, with no support then he gets to decide how that child is raised. This isn't an accidental death, this is a choice you are making. If it is that important to you that certain things happen in your child's upbringing, you need actually do them for your child and not expect other people to do it for you when that's not their responsibility. Your child's father's only responsibility if you leave is caring for the child, not catering to you when you aren't even present. Additionally, where is the concern for how your intentional absence will impact your child as he grows up? As much as you need to care for yourself, as much as you can't live for other people children are a big commitment, one you choose to take on. If you break that commitment by CTB, you are responsible for the consequences including that child not being raised in a manner you would prefer.

Very well said. I agree

As a parent it's a personal choice. I do hope the people that the baby is left with would provide a good quality of life, but you can't expect them to respect your parenting model. Your baby is only 18 months old are you certain you're not just having postpartum issues?

Rosey makes a VERY good point. I am a mother too (and pretty sure Rosey is from her posts) and PPD can easily last years they have documented now. For your children you should try to fight and try to get help if you haven't...I am doing everything in my power to fight for my 11 year old daughter instead of just leaving her which would destroy her as we're very close.