Discussion Learning to accept that just because I hate myself doesn’t mean everyone has to

[suudo]

I've been struggling with pretty intense self-hatred for basically as long as I can remember. I am unfortunately very skilled at rationalizing reasons for me to do so, and I've been trying to struggle with understanding that that opinion is not necessarily fact. Removing self-hatred, and learning to love myself, is a bit too hard of a task for me to really comprehend right now. So, I think it would be easier to start small. Does anyone have any ideas on how to slowly learn that other people may not hate me as much as I do, despite insecurities?

 

[U. A.]

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[ipmanwc0]

Treat yourself like a loving parent might, say kind and comforting things to yourself, or as you might treat someone you care about. It doesn't matter if you don't believe it. Stick with it self kindness takes a lot of time it took me years to make it better

 

[suudo]

Treat yourself like a loving parent might, say kind and comforting things to yourself, or as you might treat someone you care about. It doesn't matter if you don't believe it. Stick with it self kindness takes a lot of time it took me years to make it better

Yeah I tried that for a year and a half and ended up hating myself considerably more. Felt completely pathetic and like I was actively lying to myself every day. Maybe someday I will work on that, but that's not what I'm working on now. Just want to try to change my perspective.

[Hidden content]

The first is difficult because I really dislike assuming how people think, because I just do not understand it. Makes me feel broken, as every time I talk about how I think to people they give me an odd look. The second is a nice sentiment, but a low bar. Maybe low enough to work. Will give it a shot.

 

[ipmanwc0]

Yeah I felt like I was lying to myself too, then I started changing my views and it made the difference. For example, I thought I'm lazy. But I realized life isn't about work, as much as society would like me to believe. Or I'm weak because I didn't do the recovery things I wanted that day like exercise. But I remind myself my life is super difficult because of chronic pain and anxiety. I just recommend working on this first because it's a lot easier to feel lovable if you can love yourself a little first.

 

[suudo]

Yeah I felt like I was lying to myself too, then I started changing my views and it made the difference. For example, I thought I'm lazy. But I realized life isn't about work, as much as society would like me to believe. Or I'm weak because I didn't do the recovery things I wanted that day like exercise. But I remind myself my life is super difficult because of chronic pain and anxiety. I just recommend working on this first because it's a lot easier to feel lovable if you can love yourself a little first.

I... Appreciate the sentiment, but it's something that I've tried and it's made me feel worse. I'm working on getting to a point I can get there someday, but that's not today, that's why I made this post saying that is not something I can do right now. Not everyone's brain works the same way, and while I do appreciate the attempt and that you mean well, it's just not something I feel comfortable with right now. I'm going to focus on seeing that other people may not feel the same way, and use that to slowly convince myself that if someone else can see it, then there has to be something there. Just need to work on seeing that for now.
Baby steps.