Venting Last night I was so close

[ratherbeenaborted]

I have been planning this specific attempt for 2 months now and it's pretty simple. I drive out to an empty parking lot in the middle of the night and then give the barrel of the my rifle a bj until it came bullets in my mouth. So last night after hanging out with my only irl friend I head home, wrote my note and then packed my rifle and then set my self up. But I just can't pull the trigger. I even tried just getting used to pulling the trigger with the gun in my mouth with the safety on and even dry firing it. But when it's loaded and the safety is off and I just can't bring myself to pull the trigger hard enough to fire.

I just want my suffering to end I'm ready to ctb, but when all I have to do is pull a trigger I just can't.

 

[suicidesergal]

Suffering will pass. In glad you didn't. I've been there, and the gun didn't fire on me.

 

[IronMed]

You probably belong to the group of people who want to stop suffering or are tired of their lives/problems, but don't really want to die. On the other hand I feel like I could simply not prevent myself from pulling that trigger if I had access to a rifle, which I don't and I have no idea how to get one, and I am not actively looking to get my hands on one because I have a couple things to solve before I go and I know I will simply not be able to control myself and would jump straight into pulling that trigger that'll send me into the abyss