Help Last ditch items to try when you have tried everything? (Must be affordable)

[GravityEnthusiast]

Hi everyone.

I'm a 20 something transgender woman. I have spent the majority of my life severely depressed, and have tried literally everything to treat it.

No, not figuratively, literally. I have tried literally every psychiatric medication in literally every class. There are no meds left to try.

In addition I have also tried TMS which was a massive waste of money. Ketamine and ECT are unattainable due to price.

I have also tried marijuana which doesn't help.

I am depressed because of certain conditions in my life. Unless I either have a massive perspective change or the circumstances that are making me depressed change, I don't think I can get better. It is not a question of psychiatry, I simply have a shitty life.

Here are the conditions that must change for me to not be depressed:

I am trans (cannot be changed) I am also post surgery and have changed my birth certificate so I cannot detransition for any reason.

Being trans is a death sentence in my career for certain reasons, and getting another job in my field is highly unlikely.

I am hated by a significant portion of the population and nobody gives me any quarter for any reason. People treat me like a fucking alien and would view my suicide as a net positive.

Nothing brings me any amount of dopamine, save for one exception featured next. You could show me the most beautiful sight in the entire world and I would feel nothing.

The one exception is doing things that are seriously dangerous. I longboard in the summer and snowboard in the winter and only start to feel alive above at least 30mph. 40mph feels really good.




I have loved ones that need me in their lives so I would like to avoid suicide. If I didn't have them in my life I am totally fine with going and I would have already done it if not for them.

I am seeking things to try or do that have a nonzero chance of significantly changing my entire perspective on life. These items must be affordable as due to my career I have next to zero money. I am unemployed at the moment and have all the time in the world.

I would like to avoid things that keep me from seeing my loved ones for longer than a week, so like, no backpacking across continents or anything.

Thanks for reading and responding.

 

[EternalShore]

I'm really sorry to hear about your awful situation. :( I hope it gets better for you somehow~ :) Have you checked out the sticky threads in the recovery section? :)

Recovery and Crisis Resource Compilation

The following are resources for you to reach out for help and support. We encourage you to seek recovery and be happy. Different resources work for different people, so we encourage you try several until you find what you need. Your happiness comes first. The list has been created from...

sanctioned-suicide.net

I don't have any sort of concrete solution myself (I'm still here after all~), but I know that a lot of people here suggest picking up a hobby that you enjoy and practicing in order to become better and better at it~ :) there's also spiritual stuff you can do like meditating (altho, that tends to just make me think more about it~ >_<) or becoming religious~
If you're able to, talking to people always makes me feel better, online here or elsewhere~ ^_^ and it's even better irl~ :)

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Have you done any good amount of meditation? I have a megathread. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/meditation-megathread-pin-this.187169/

 

[GravityEnthusiast]

Have you done any good amount of meditation? I have a megathread. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/meditation-megathread-pin-this.187169/

Yes. No change.