Venting Lamenting over the truth.

[crimsonsflower]

I've been lamenting over all of this for a while but I'm grappled with guilt over wanting my suffering to end. I've outlined my debilitating loneliness and how between work and other distractions I throw myself in front of I still can't seem to escape the fact that when push comes to shove I don't have any true friends or any real life outside of work. I feel as though I'm nothing but disposable and the friends I made in college don't need me anymore so I've slowly faded away.

Putting an end to all of this has logically seemed like my only way out of this misery. I don't know the how or when at the moment but all I know is that I don't want to keep hurting like this anymore. Nothing is keeping me tethered anymore besides instinctual fear and not even that is very strong anymore.

 

[MercenariesofMidgar]

I understand friend... I'm in the same boat. I'm deleting most of my files right now so when I reinstall windows memories of photos and vids are the only things that are left with a usb stick.

It's really hard to do these things because I'm essentially cementing the fact I will ctb

I hope you find happiness

 

[crimsonsflower]

I understand friend... I'm in the same boat. I'm deleting most of my files right now so when I reinstall windows memories of photos and vids are the only things that are left with a usb stick.

It's really hard to do these things because I'm essentially cementing the fact I will ctb

I hope you find happiness

I've been thinking about how to go through with it for months but I've come up with nothing. I know the isolation will ultimately make these things easier for me because I know it will hurt everyone around me less since they don't really talk to me anymore but it doesn't make it any less painful.

I've wanted to live and survive for so long but any and all attempt feels futile and pointless especially when I float through every day not even feeling like a person anymore.

It'll always be unfathomable to the people who've never been at the end of their rope.

 

[FuneralCry]

I just wish to be free from the suffering of existing as well, I understand just wanting peace from the pain of existing, all I personally hope for is to never suffer ever again. But anyway I wish you the best.