Venting kinda feeling guilty.

[thebunny]

hi! feel free to read this... or don't. i just need an outlet, really.

anywho, as some of you may know, i've been planning my exit for almost 3 months now. i've planned to go around the fourth week of october, which is around two weeks from now. i already have everything i need and i'm just patiently waiting for my d-day. everything is going according to plan... or so i thought.

one of the issues that came up was that i'm supposed to fly abroad back to my parents within this year so my visa doesn't expire. their plan was that i'll fly around december. at first i thought, "hm, that's alright. i mean, i'll be gone soon anyway. they don't have to worry about the ticket and all." WRONG. they wanted to book a flight now, so the fare would be cheaper than usual, which i understand completely.

i feel so guilty about it all because i'd be wasting their money on a ticket that will not be used. worse of it all, i'd be wasting their money again on my funeral. i don't have much savings to cover any of those things.

i feel so bad, but at the same time, i badly need to ctb because i can't pretend to function any longer.

everything has become too much for me to bear and handle. i want my well-deserved peace >:(

 

[Pluto]

I'm saddened to see how much you are suffering, but I suspect that a few dollars lost on a ticket would be the least of their worries after losing a beloved daughter to suicide, no matter how much they may be financially struggling. I only mention this to ensure you are thinking clearly.

Only you can weigh up your options and decide what you are going to do. If you've done all you can to recover and failed, there is no need to concern yourself with the feelings of others, since the situation has proven unworkable. Or, if you have a glimmer of hope and need advice/support for a way forward, we can look to see if something can be done.

 

[CTB Dream]

Unfortunate other people plan not see suffer not see ctb posibiliyy, this cause differences inclide money ,sorry make suffer more , wishing peace

 

[FuneralCry]

That does sound like a difficult situation to be in, as after all life can be unpredictable and uncertain but your feelings of wanting to be at rest are understandable. This life really can be tiring. I wish you freedom from all suffering.