Killing myself before turning 20

[RestlessTaiga]

Right now I'm 19, and I'm gonna make a promise to myself, If my life continues being awful until March 3, I'm catching the bus, 7 months to change SOMETHING, even a slimmer spark of hope, I'm going to try getting a job, getting more friends, get into a relationship, interact with my hobbies again, try to quit porn, Maybe even find a career path for myself, really anything, and if I don't see any change by then, I'm just gonna give up completely, because I can't anymore, I can't live like that any longer, can't live like an outcast.

I have to do it before 20, 20 is the age that you have to do something, right? Have a plan for the future? A job? A relationship? Something figured out, or at least getting there, but I didn't achieve anything like that, and probably won't be able to, so I'm just gonna die before that, don't want to be a waste of seed anymore.

 

[Soumatou]

20 is the age that you have to do something, right? Have a plan for the future? A job? A relationship? Something figured out, or at least getting there

Sounds like some bullshit checkpoint imposed by society. Good luck trying to improve yourself though, we're cheering for you!

 

[ctb_warrior]

Right now I'm 19, and I'm gonna make a promise to myself, If my life continues being awful until March 3, I'm catching the bus, 7 months to change SOMETHING, even a slimmer spark of hope, I'm going to try getting a job, getting more friends, get into a relationship, interact with my hobbies again, try to quit porn, Maybe even find a career path for myself, really anything, and if I don't see any change by then, I'm just gonna give up completely, because I can't anymore, I can't live like that any longer, can't live like an outcast.

I have to do it before 20, 20 is the age that you have to do something, right? Have a plan for the future? A job? A relationship? Something figured out, or at least getting there, but I didn't achieve anything like that, and probably won't be able to, so I'm just gonna die before that, don't want to be a waste of seed anymore.

I wish you all the love, luck and success in your goals,

 

[booplesnoot34]

I promised myself I'd die by my 18th birthday. I'm almost 32 now. Still wish I'd kept my promise.

 

[RestlessTaiga]

I promised myself I'd die by my 18th birthday. I'm almost 32 now. Still wish I'd kept my promise.

I'm really worried about that, but I'm gonna really try to keep this promise. Even better if I die earlier

 

[glombpert]

honestly man if you genuely want to try to improve you cant think like that when i was in school i told myself every day that i wouldnt make it past 20 and while im still only 21 having that mindset for so long kept me from doing so many things i should of so if you truly want to change id stop trying to make 20 a dead line and just not worry about the time and focus on the small wins you do get 20 is still young youve only been an adult for a year so you got time to figure it out.

 

[Macedonian1987]

Right now I'm 19, and I'm gonna make a promise to myself, If my life continues being awful until March 3, I'm catching the bus, 7 months to change SOMETHING, even a slimmer spark of hope, I'm going to try getting a job, getting more friends, get into a relationship, interact with my hobbies again, try to quit porn, Maybe even find a career path for myself, really anything, and if I don't see any change by then, I'm just gonna give up completely, because I can't anymore, I can't live like that any longer, can't live like an outcast.

I have to do it before 20, 20 is the age that you have to do something, right? Have a plan for the future? A job? A relationship? Something figured out, or at least getting there, but I didn't achieve anything like that, and probably won't be able to, so I'm just gonna die before that, don't want to be a waste of seed anymore.

It breaks my heart when I see people so young suffer so much

 

[cr7]

ive made like 3 of those deadlines for myself and none of them were fulfilled. my new tactic is just waiting for the day im too miserable so i do it on a whim. i hope youve completely moved past sasu and your suffering by march 3.

 

[wehamuho]

Sounds like some bullshit checkpoint imposed by society. Good luck trying to improve yourself though, we're cheering for you!

yes man so much like i was barely mobile since a child but i shouldnt be dead cuz kids cant understand pain hurts & theyre suffering?? cant value incurable illness?

 

[chillino]

Into the wild

 

[blacksand]

That's too young for age related deadlines, I'll be 31 next week and have a lot of regret around how I was sure I'd missed out on X and Y in early 20s and how much time I kept pissing away at that point.

 

[wehamuho]

That's too young for age related deadlines, I'll be 31 next week and have a lot of regret around how I was sure I'd missed out on X and Y in early 20s and how much time I kept pissing away at that point.

i wouldnt make a 20 yo wait to get older w/ that suffering just cuz. itd be in my conscience

 

[quiet-rabbit]

I of course support whatever choice feels right for you, but I certainly disagree that anyone can or should have anything figured out by 20! I found that 18-22 to be the most miserable time of my life, by far. You are still carrying all of the wounds and learnings of your childhood, but don't quite have the autonomy you need in life to take care and make big changes. You're stuck in this terrible limbo. It is certainly possible that the pain will never change, and I do believe lots of change happens at this time in one's life so I look forward to what the next seven months brings you!

 

[passthisnote]

Right now I'm 19, and I'm gonna make a promise to myself, If my life continues being awful until March 3, I'm catching the bus, 7 months to change SOMETHING, even a slimmer spark of hope, I'm going to try getting a job, getting more friends, get into a relationship, interact with my hobbies again, try to quit porn, Maybe even find a career path for myself, really anything, and if I don't see any change by then, I'm just gonna give up completely, because I can't anymore, I can't live like that any longer, can't live like an outcast.

I have to do it before 20, 20 is the age that you have to do something, right? Have a plan for the future? A job? A relationship? Something figured out, or at least getting there, but I didn't achieve anything like that, and probably won't be able to, so I'm just gonna die before that, don't want to be a waste of seed anymore.

ong i'm 19 too and in like 6 months when i turn 20 like right before ima be gone this life stuff ain't for me can't even do anything i want after 20 so what's the point frl im not tryna work and be a slave all day i'd rather js not be alive then get my free time and youth taken away

 

[Eriktf]

Deadlines like this to ctb is honestly stupid.
You might have plenty of resons to ctb but the last drop that pushed you to ctb shouldn't be turning 20

 

[RestlessTaiga]

Deadlines like this to ctb is honestly stupid.
You might have plenty of resons to ctb but the last drop that pushed you to ctb shouldn't be turning 20

I try doing it earlier when I as 16, but I ended up giving up, biggest regret I have, so this time I'm not taking any chances, at least I want to give my all this time, to say that at least I tried in the end.

I of course support whatever choice feels right for you, but I certainly disagree that anyone can or should have anything figured out by 20! I found that 18-22 to be the most miserable time of my life, by far. You are still carrying all of the wounds and learnings of your childhood, but don't quite have the autonomy you need in life to take care and make big changes. You're stuck in this terrible limbo. It is certainly possible that the pain will never change, and I do believe lots of change happens at this time in one's life so I look forward to what the next seven months brings you!

I don't see a future for me, when I think of something to do with my life, it's just blank, my self-esteem doesn't exist, so it's also hard to attract anyone, Friends or possible partners, I girl even told me I look like one of the columbine shooters, so I guess that's how everyone sees me, so even socially I don't have a future, and honestly, not looking forward to more of this, so I prefer one last push to get out of this hole, it's do or die, literally lol.

 

[Forveleth]

I have to do it before 20, 20 is the age that you have to do something, right? Have a plan for the future? A job? A relationship? Something figured out, or at least getting there, but I didn't achieve anything like that, and probably won't be able to, so I'm just gonna die before that, don't want to be a waste of seed anymore.

Most people have not even graduated college by 20. How are you supposed to have your life figured out if you are not even finished with your education?

Stop listening to internet bullshit. No one knows what they are doing at 20. Most people do not know what they are doing at 30. A good portion of people in their 40s are just finally starting to get the hang of it. The only deadline you have is death, whenever that may come.

 

[valar_morghulis21]

Your choice but only 7 months to improve drastically in so many aspect of life is kinda unrealistic. Some people take a year or so just to get a job in this economy. Break down your goal into smaller ones and maybe extend the deadline for a little bit. And be realistic with them

Right now I'm 19, and I'm gonna make a promise to myself, If my life continues being awful until March 3, I'm catching the bus, 7 months to change SOMETHING, even a slimmer spark of hope, I'm going to try getting a job, getting more friends, get into a relationship, interact with my hobbies again, try to quit porn, Maybe even find a career path for myself, really anything, and if I don't see any change by then, I'm just gonna give up completely, because I can't anymore, I can't live like that any longer, can't live like an outcast.

I have to do it before 20, 20 is the age that you have to do something, right? Have a plan for the future? A job? A relationship? Something figured out, or at least getting there, but I didn't achieve anything like that, and probably won't be able to, so I'm just gonna die before that, don't want to be a waste of seed anymore.

 

[RestlessTaiga]

Your choice but only 7 months to improve drastically in so many aspect of life is kinda unrealistic. Some people take a year or so just to get a job in this economy. Break down your goal into smaller ones and maybe extend the deadline for a little bit. And be realistic with them

Eh. It's now or never, something has to change, I just need some type of signal that things are getting better, A job or anything like that. Also, The "all men must die" thing, even here I can escape this shit bro

Most people have not even graduated college by 20. How are you supposed to have your life figured out if you are not even finished with your education?

Stop listening to internet bullshit. No one knows what they are doing at 20. Most people do not know what they are doing at 30. A good portion of people in their 40s are just finally starting to get the hang of it. The only deadline you have is death, whenever that may come.

The internet is not influencing me, at least not that much, it's something I feel, that I'm being left behind, and the thought of "getting the hang of it" by my 30s, at this point it's better to die already, i don't see the point in staying alive just to wait and see if that's true, I can't deal with myself any longer, so it's better to die young, It's less pathetic that way.

 

[cowlover1252]

You are turning 20, not 65. You are young and are not late to get started with your life. There are people who don't do anything important until their 30s or 40s, and still live fulfilling, meaningful lives. At 20 years old nobody knows what they are doing. Nobody has everything figured out.

I'm the same age as you and I have been struggling for literally as long as I can remember. My life has felt so long and hard. I always have to remind myself how short my life has been, and how young I am. I have still spent years settings dates and goals, telling myself that once something happens, I accomplish something, or make a major change, that things will be different and I will feel better and have a normal life. I've even had periods of sometimes several months where I feel like I am making real progress and pulling myself out of this slump. I have worked my absolute hardest and accomplished a lot for my age, but every time I fix something, other problems come up, and I still feel empty.

Tying your life to a checklist with a deadline will destroy you. Setting big goals with the plan of ending your life if you don't hit them by a certain date will not help you. At our age nobody has things figured out and nobody knows what they are doing. We have plenty of time to find ourselves. But in my case, I am going to CTB because I don't want to play this game at all. I don't want to fix or accomplish anything anymore, I just want it all to go away. If you can identify changes that might make you happy and want to live, then by all means try your absolute best to make them happen, but just know that you have not failed yet and you have plenty of time to decide whether or not to CTB.

You don't have to listen to me or anyone else on this thread, and I'm not saying you should or shouldn't ctb, but in my experience, setting goals this way will keep you in a constant cycle misery and unfulfillment. The things you're wanting to do in 7 months is a lot. For a healthy person, doing even 1 of these would take 7 months. If you can find things that give you hope, split them up into smaller more manageable goals or take it one at a time, and don't treat small setbacks like a total failure.

 

[Off_Switch]

Get the job first. Then you may find that that will lead you to many of the other things that you listed.