i thought i would finally make peace with me never be able to continue my studies again. its just that...i feel like im stuck in that place. and that place is in front of my college room. nobody ever tells you how getting kicked out from uni feels like. they never send letters to my house. no letters saying 'harhar you cannot graduate from here. never!!!' theres no call from the uni or faculty management. i never get called to the dean's office. the reason i was getting kicked out is bcs i didnt hand in my thesis and i failed three subjects after i tried retaking them for three times. the rule is three tryouts and then youre out(pls i know ppl would be like whoa three times you tried and still failed?!? let me spilll)
- one subject i failed kinda unintentionally(?). i got C- on that subject and apparently you have to appeal bcs C- was considered a fail. i didnt know about it at that time so the grace period of appeal ended and i missed the chance.
- another subject is a subject based on memorization. (kinda like you have to memorizes the holy book of your religion. no writing test whatsoever and im so bad at memorizing it. also it has very restricted schedule to memorizing it like you have to memorize five pages in a week. on top of that, it was not in my mother language. and also i got classes. (sorry it sounds like im rambling but im just so frustrated at myself too like, why does this language hate me???)
- the last subject is a foreign language subject and im BAD at it. like super BAD. no matter how much i studied about it, i still failed to recognize its structure. let alone talking with that language. i had extensive knowledge with the vocabulary but i cant just form words with them, you feel me? (it's arabic)
so of course, when i tried taking those subjects again, i dont have my peers around me. i felt alone and i forget things(or rather, ignore). also bcs everything is done in groups and sometimes online. i felt like im probably the oldest ppl in that room taking the course and i hate myself for that. i managed to get myself into group presentation in that foreign language subject but i totally tanked the individual assignment. heck i didnt even know if i passed that one. i didnt check my recent uni exam result (probably cant even log into uni website anymore)
SO MY BIG QUESTION IS
im currently trying to find a job, a job that matches my O levels before i got into uni. but it is so hard to explain to ppl the gaps in my resume. do i just include in my resume that im a uni dropout(that sounds way better than kicked out). also what do i tell to people for all the time ive been in that uni? i was very active in curricular activities. i joined debate, i volunteered, i was even in a stage play production. heck i even joined a reserve officer program(military stuff). i got commissioned as second lieutenant last year. but the thing is, even if i want to join the army, i have to hand in my nonexistent academic transcript. what do i call myself for the time ive been there. sometimes i think all of it was a lie bcs i was kicked out from uni. like all the things ive done, disappear.
- one subject i failed kinda unintentionally(?). i got C- on that subject and apparently you have to appeal bcs C- was considered a fail. i didnt know about it at that time so the grace period of appeal ended and i missed the chance.
- another subject is a subject based on memorization. (kinda like you have to memorizes the holy book of your religion. no writing test whatsoever and im so bad at memorizing it. also it has very restricted schedule to memorizing it like you have to memorize five pages in a week. on top of that, it was not in my mother language. and also i got classes. (sorry it sounds like im rambling but im just so frustrated at myself too like, why does this language hate me???)
- the last subject is a foreign language subject and im BAD at it. like super BAD. no matter how much i studied about it, i still failed to recognize its structure. let alone talking with that language. i had extensive knowledge with the vocabulary but i cant just form words with them, you feel me? (it's arabic)
so of course, when i tried taking those subjects again, i dont have my peers around me. i felt alone and i forget things(or rather, ignore). also bcs everything is done in groups and sometimes online. i felt like im probably the oldest ppl in that room taking the course and i hate myself for that. i managed to get myself into group presentation in that foreign language subject but i totally tanked the individual assignment. heck i didnt even know if i passed that one. i didnt check my recent uni exam result (probably cant even log into uni website anymore)
SO MY BIG QUESTION IS
im currently trying to find a job, a job that matches my O levels before i got into uni. but it is so hard to explain to ppl the gaps in my resume. do i just include in my resume that im a uni dropout(that sounds way better than kicked out). also what do i tell to people for all the time ive been in that uni? i was very active in curricular activities. i joined debate, i volunteered, i was even in a stage play production. heck i even joined a reserve officer program(military stuff). i got commissioned as second lieutenant last year. but the thing is, even if i want to join the army, i have to hand in my nonexistent academic transcript. what do i call myself for the time ive been there. sometimes i think all of it was a lie bcs i was kicked out from uni. like all the things ive done, disappear.
