Venting Just venting

[Sadgirl17]

Hi everyone
First of all,my English is bad,I'm sorry
The last 5/6 months I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts,I had very strong urges to hurt myself,but i didn't do anything,cuz I don't want to die
I still struggle sometimes,but I feel better now
Anyways ,i made a promise to myself that if I'll want to kill myself someday,I will wait until I'm 35 ,I'm 21 years old now,maybe it's stupid,I don't know
I have no friends,no boyfriend,low self esteem,poor social skills,mental health issues,but I'm not ready to give up
I want to try to change some things that make me unhappy(not sure if I can) and I still have some hope
Maybe it is not the right place to post this,but I wanted to post it on SS
There a many wonderful people here,and i know that SS brings comfort to many people,but unfortunately for me it's the opposite.Seeing people's struggles,their pain make me very sad,and affects my mental health in a bad way,so i can't stay here:/
I've been here for almost 2 months and registered just to write this post,probably will delete this page after reading the comments
Today I don't feel good again,I think I need to get back on my medication,and also I want to buy a small puppy,but I don't have money yet,so I need to find a job first
Sorry if i wrote many unnecessary things ,I just wanted to share my thoughts with someone,that's it
Wish you all peace
Goodbye

 

[Cant Maintain]

This is the right place to post this. Try getting back on your medication, or even switch medications. Find a job. Get yourself a puppy. Continue to share your thoughts whenever you feel like you need to post them, no pressure to continue coming back unless you want to post, if you feel unsafe, there is nothing stopping you from taking a break. Even if your english is bad, people will sort it out.
This community is one of the only out there on this topic that I have seen that actually feels like there is no judgement on the matter. Welcome to the community. I hope you establish healthy boundaries that allow you to vent on here when you need, without our collective venting of our woes bringing you down.

 

[Soul]

Thank you for your well-wishes, @Sadgirl17. This forum isn't good for everyone, but I'm glad if you see people here strive to be kind.

Your plans - the puppy and job as well as your willingness to experience more of life before you give up on it - sound excellent, and I hope they all go well for you. x

 

[I screwed up]

Hope u find peace in whatever u decide to do ...

 

[jing]

Hi, I think your decision to put CTB off is correct. Because at our age, we haven't experienced enough and I think our life is at a malleable time such that things may turn out to be better. I do hope you are able to find the strength in whatever you decide to do.

As for your decision to get a puppy, might I suggest you to adopt one from the pound or shelter. Adopting a stray or an abandoned animal will definitely help the hurt animal and yourself.

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

You seem to be really strong. I'm somewhat in the same situation as you yet the only thing that brings me comfort nowadays is that I have the means to end it all (well, I'll have when my SN will get here). I wonder many times how people can continue living even in undesirable circumstances, though everyone is different I guess. I can say that I admire your courage.
I have a cat myself, having an animal can give you a lot of strength and happiness.
Good luck!

 

[Haruko]

I think waiting until you are 35 is a good decision.

This world is changing at a fast pace, and we change with it as well. This means that you will certainly change your beliefs in a few years, and may decide not to ctb.

I have no friends,no boyfriend,low self esteem,poor social skills,mental health issues,but I'm not ready to give up

I can understand your feelings since I used to be in a similar situation. I think you should focus on your mental health, and your self-esteem. I believe that a person who has a high self-esteem can live "happily" without too much social contact; although, once your self-esteem is high, you will automatically be able to socialize with other people.

 

[Sadgirl17]

Thank you all for your support!
Not sure if i'll come back ,but i know that people will always support me here
Maybe I'll be making posts on depression subreddit
Wish you all the best

 

[Lupgevif]

Give yourself as much time as I you think you need, it's all yours anyway. If you say you do want to live, nobody as the right to deny you that. May I just suggest you adopt a puppy instead of buying one? Of course, they may not be as young as you want, but I assure you dogs can be loving at any age. Also, do indeed get a job, you'd still need money to feed and take care of the dog. Just my thoughts, though, do what will make you happy, because you deserve to be.

 

[Mm80]

Lovely to see such an honest and kind thread.
Op i wish the best for you and im glad you are giving life another go.
Theres a mis conception that ss is some kind of death cult, but i, and i believe many others here, are just as happy for someone who chooses life, as someone who ctb.
Take care x