Venting just venting

[grapefruit04]

I don't know if I'll have the luxury of a peaceful death. I wish i could just go to sleep one more time and that would be it. But i cant do that, i have to buy materials with money i dont have and then manage to not fuck up and ruin my body for life. I've tried speaking out about my suicidal thoughts twice now and i wasnt taken seriously much and i dont blame them because they just dont understand and didn't know what to do, so its not their fault. Its hard to control my SI that keeps telling me to try to get help even though i have no hope. Depression makes me feel physically sick and weak all the time. I never thought it would get this bad. I feel like I cant make decisions because i regret it afterwards out of fear and shame. But when i cbt i wont have to make decisions or fear anything anymore. I just want to be free

 

[Greasyhair]

You are not alone. My atm method is laying my head on rural rail road track, yes I might pussy out, but at least chances are low(er?) to become cripple, and if I cant go through with it no one will be the wiser.