Venting Just venting

[Chronosphere]

I was planning to drink SN this Friday.
I was planning it for a couple of months but the closer the date is the more uncertain I am.
It's like my personality is splitting. It's like I have this superego who tells me that I need to do it no matter what, that only this makes any sense. That it's the only way.
And there's others. Who don't want to live, not any of them, but the don't want to die. They are afraid. They think "let's just do nothing and wait for things to go as they go".
I know I sound pathetic. I don't know why am I like this. Why can't I just do the thing. Why do I have to find excuses.
I don't want to live. None of those who am I want to live. Then why some of them resist suicide so much...

 

[real human being]

Human instinct.

 

[Chronosphere]

I need to do it tomorrow. I am uncertain. But I was uncertain about anything in my life. I'll be fasting today. I'll test SN purity tomorrow and will make SN drink. And then I'll decide.
Do what you should, and come what may. As always.