Sorry if this is incoherent or pathetic, but I just thought it might feel good to vent here.
I started writing down some ideas for my suicide note earlier and I got a feeling that this is all just incredibly silly.
The thing is, I can't really complain about the external circumstances that make my life miserable (isolation, loneliness, etc) because I never really tried to get better and never asked for help. I'm in my late 20s now but I never talked to anyone about my struggles because I'm just unable and afraid to communicate. I just silently suffered and let my life go down the hill. All I can write about is my fundamental dislike of the person who I am and how just can't see that person ever living a life I'd consider worth living.
Honestly, there are more and more days that feel like hell. On which I find it hard to even get out of bed, on which waves of self-loathing flood through my head, on which I just have to SH because I'm so disgusted with myself. But when I try to rationally reflect on my desire to end my life, it just seems so silly, I don't know.
I don't think I could justify my suicide to my family without making one last attempt to get better, if only to prove that it's pointless
I started writing down some ideas for my suicide note earlier and I got a feeling that this is all just incredibly silly.
The thing is, I can't really complain about the external circumstances that make my life miserable (isolation, loneliness, etc) because I never really tried to get better and never asked for help. I'm in my late 20s now but I never talked to anyone about my struggles because I'm just unable and afraid to communicate. I just silently suffered and let my life go down the hill. All I can write about is my fundamental dislike of the person who I am and how just can't see that person ever living a life I'd consider worth living.
Honestly, there are more and more days that feel like hell. On which I find it hard to even get out of bed, on which waves of self-loathing flood through my head, on which I just have to SH because I'm so disgusted with myself. But when I try to rationally reflect on my desire to end my life, it just seems so silly, I don't know.
I don't think I could justify my suicide to my family without making one last attempt to get better, if only to prove that it's pointless
