Just venting a little

[Youngster]

I'll just make this thread to vent on the flux of my conscience, so many ideas and topics will just pop over the course of it. Won't be able to properly express how fundamental some of them are to my life.

Diagnosed intense ADHDer with very likely Asperger's (current autism) here. Just venting a little about how I'd be better off dead. Skipped this sunday's Brazilian carnival to go to my grandma's. Big mistake, it is all ok here but I should have been more solid on my position and gone to the street festivities. As I said, being neurodivergent screws my life a fucking baffling ton.

I'd love to get a 12 gauge shotgun and end it all so I could get my peace, at last.

Probably will try to get out of here and enjoy the carnival a little. Wish me luck fellas!

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand just wanting peace, to be permanently at peace from this existence is all I personally hope for. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Youngster]

Update: went to the carnival block but it was already done. Happened in the morning. Now I'm ridden with doubt due to this and many other stuff that happened in the cumulative. Like I should have gone to the emo block that happened yesterday but I overslept and missed the time. She sure was there and I wish she could see me. See me now that I'm normal and quit using my artificial-ass straightened hair and cartoonish emo clothes. She was with some other guy but I'm mostly glad she sticked to just one man instead of going full slayer mode and kissing multiple guys. People on this forum can't begin to understand what she came to mean to me. Being parasocially obsessed over someone hurts like pure hell

I understand just wanting peace, to be permanently at peace from this existence is all I personally hope for. But anyway I wish you the best.

Yeah man, I get it. I just want permanent peace, too. Not existing just feels like supreme comfort to me. In my experience in the last few months, when life isn't actually hurting like getting your whole body whipped it's an uncomfortable boring mess, so getting rid of this constant suffering is all I want