Venting just the way life is.

[jajajamielee]

when you cry so much eventually you just can't even get another tear out or feel what made you cry in the first place

it'll all go away eventually you won't feel it anymore and the feelings will finally disappear and you can laugh at how stupid you were for thinking anything was real

you can die knowing that you being alive had neither a negative or positive impact on the world and you can just go knowing nothing will change

it hurts but if I forgot my fucking childhood trauma I can forget this too

it just takes booze and time.

if only I had more booze and less time.

why can't I just fall in love with people who actually love me?



I recently realized I'm likely a system so who tf would even want to date someone like me? I'm fucked up in so many ways.



and I keep having nightmares that I can't get out of

I'll wake up so many times, but it will take so long for me to get out

and even when I do get out I'm so tired and I can't move to keep myself awake because of sleep paralysis and I'll fall back asleep and get stuck in the same loop and it makes me want to never sleep again.

they feel so hyper realistic that even then sometimes it'll take me so long to realize I'm still dreaming and then I panic

I got out of one this morning and i can't even remember how many tries it took to get out.

and when I get out of one, I'm questioning how much of what I remember from previous days was even real. nothing feels real because what if it was just one of those dreams? what if I'm still stuck? what if I'm never going to get out?

I still can't convince myself any of this is real.

I wish nothing was real. I wish everything would stop. I wish I would die. fuck the people in my head.