Venting just started school and I can sense a depressive episode coming

[guineapiglover8503]

my mental health was so much better over break and today is my first day back at school. I am trying to stay positive but I am really scared that I will get a bad depressive episode soon. I feel so lonely even though I have a lot of people I talk to and I just want school to be over. I want a fresh start in college with classes I like and people I can get super close to but it feels so far away. I want my mental pain to cease and just let me fucking exist without wanting to die, and nobody other than close friends know I feel this way. Tomorrow will be 2 months since I almost jumped off a building and I will need to try my best to keep myself together during school. I have been so good at putting on a fake smile so when I cry for help it sounds like a joke. Whenever I talk to people about my pain I unintentionally smile and giggle and its a bit cute but also it either makes me look crazy or like I am lying. Im not laughing, im crying for help.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

my mental health was so much better over break and today is my first day back at school.

School and college is important. Do you know why school makes you depressed? Too much pressure to get the good marks needed to be eligible for college? Pressure from parents? Idk .... but there could be many things. What was different during the break? I'm sure you could do more or less whatever you wanted without pressure?

 

[guineapiglover8503]

School and college is important. Do you know why school makes you depressed? Too much pressure to get the good marks needed to be eligible for college? Pressure from parents? Idk .... but there could be many things. What was different during the break? I'm sure you could do more or less whatever you wanted without pressure?

just being lonely and all the pressure from teachers. I have had to miss so much school and they can't do much to let me catch up (which isn't their fault but it really sucks). I hope if I go to a psych ward that I can get some exemptions

 

[Praestat_Mori]

just being lonely and all the pressure from teachers. I have had to miss so much school and they can't do much to let me catch up (which isn't their fault but it really sucks). I hope if I go to a psych ward that I can get some exemptions

I hope you get exemptions granted! Good luck!