Apologies for the rambling. I am fucking tired of everyone else talk normally as though it's just another day to talk about what the fuck ever. I want to scream and shout at everyone I see and tell them there lives are pointless, we are on a fucking rock hurdling through an infinite black space, and that there's so much fucking suffering in this world that it's unfathomable to comprehend. All this suffering and all people want to do is nothing but try to enjoy life because most people can't do nothing. Every effort to change things into something better, every moment that I want to just feel some hope once in my pathetic life amounts to ash. I'm tired of pretending to be something I'm not. I might be trying to recover but I feel the same no matter what. I can't unsee what I've learned, I can't undo what I've been through, I can't stop myself from believing in anything besides being pessimistic. Like I'm so pathetic that I'm trying to help people when I can't even help myself. What can I say to these people? What advice is there when the suffering will never stop? I feel so broken and damaged that I don't know how to hope. Hope hurts. Hope invalidates suffering.
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I think one way to get life to change is to take a big gamble and see where the dice rolls. Of course it can't be done in every situation.
lostmylove
Specialist
- Apr 1, 2022
- 304
Sadly the dice that I need to gamble with is on the floor and I can only use the dice to hopefully break my neck tripping over
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 43,293
I feel like having hope often just leads to more suffering, which is why I am glad that I have none. Losing hope can be very painful. It is such an unfair and depressing world that we live in, and more than anything I wish that I never existed in the first place.
houseofleaves
and this with thee remains.
- Jan 14, 2022
- 554
You're not pathetic. This is called dignity. This is what being human means (amongst other things) — trying to make things better, not only for yourself, but for others too, even if it doesn't matter at all; even if nothing matters.
NothingElseMatters
Warlock
- Mar 30, 2020
- 745
thanks for your words, i agree a hundred percent.
