Venting Just self harm

[FoxSauce]

I dunno what think to be honest

All i can say was i had a lot of thoughts at once plus i was anxious and worried

I thought people were looking at me, my sisters werent here to pick me up from work. My phone was dead, thought they were mad at me cuz they coukdnt be able to contact me. Also I was anxious as fuck. Thought I was in danger.

And to calm down I sh
Ofc I felt so guilty afterwards, even tho I promised my therapist I would not to. Im worried she'll hate me or be dissapointed. I feel so ashamed.

I feel so guilty i want to sob but i cant cuz ik ill get asked whats wrong and i just have to show em.

I just feel like crap i dont want to dissapoint her (therapist) she's my world (idk how to put this, not in a romantic way) it's hard to explain with words.

I feel so disgusted with myself

 

[wantingdignity]

You won't disappoint your therapist, at least not in the way you think. She'll be sad, but she won't think less of you. She'll most likely just help you safety plan on how to prevent it from happening again (distraction, opposite action, people to call for either emotional support or distraction, etc). I've had to go through it before.

I'm sorry you're going through whatever it is that is making you anxious enough to need that kind of harmful coping skill. My self harming is about wanting to feel in control of my pain after being face to face with violence and abuse. I'm trying to break the habit. I'm less than a week clean at the moment and am still struggling. You're not crazy, it sounds like your brain is just overloaded and is looking for a sense of relief.

 

[FoxSauce]

You won't disappoint your therapist, at least not in the way you think. She'll be sad, but she won't think less of you. She'll most likely just help you safety plan on how to prevent it from happening again (distraction, opposite action, people to call for either emotional support or distraction, etc). I've had to go through it before.

I'm sorry you're going through whatever it is that is making you anxious enough to need that kind of harmful coping skill. My self harming is about wanting to feel in control of my pain after being face to face with violence and abuse. I'm trying to break the habit. I'm less than a week clean at the moment and am still struggling. You're not crazy, it sounds like your brain is just overloaded and is looking for a sense of relief.

Thank you so much for the kind words
Im still wrapped in guilt but reading this makes me feel better.

KIinda broke the record since I was clean for a month.

Also im sorry that happened to you. If you need anyone to talk to my dms are always open. Dw it's just a suggestion it!