phoebonebe
bone bag tagged 'phoebe'
- Sep 28, 2023
- 22
I have no one to let this out to so whatever
Why does it always happen that I genuinely enjoy life for once in so long , looking forward to recover and live on blahblahblah and then evening comes and smth horrible happens again ? And it doesn't even stop there, the next day is always fucking horrible. I can't count how many times this has happened. I'm at my lowest I don't even know how to cope. I was feeling decent for a good while and then life fucking punched me in the face ( and then I did it to myself ! because I'm an idiot and that's the only way I can cope ! and if no one else will do it in the moment then ofc I'll do it myself). I don't know its getting to a point where the only things I can do now is harm objects and myself. I almost smashed my laptop open out of self hatred and now I feel bad . I ended up hugging a plush instead to calm down. I was split seconds away from hanging myself if my brother didn't knock on my door I would've done it already lol
I'm soooooo tired I just want it to end I'm a horrible person an dmy boyfriend told me he 's going crazy bc of me and i just wanna die. He won't break up with me bc he says he loves me and I just can't break up w him because he's my everything and I just love him so bad I want to get better just for him but I keep hurting him with my emotional outbursts and I have no ffucking idea what to do.. We were just getting better affter a few months of constant arguing and now we just had a big argument an he told me its all my fault and I just wanna die. I love him so bad I want to fade out of this world hearing that shit . I try my best to change into the better and it doesn't even work , I'll never be enough for anyone at all
Why does it always happen that I genuinely enjoy life for once in so long , looking forward to recover and live on blahblahblah and then evening comes and smth horrible happens again ? And it doesn't even stop there, the next day is always fucking horrible. I can't count how many times this has happened. I'm at my lowest I don't even know how to cope. I was feeling decent for a good while and then life fucking punched me in the face ( and then I did it to myself ! because I'm an idiot and that's the only way I can cope ! and if no one else will do it in the moment then ofc I'll do it myself). I don't know its getting to a point where the only things I can do now is harm objects and myself. I almost smashed my laptop open out of self hatred and now I feel bad . I ended up hugging a plush instead to calm down. I was split seconds away from hanging myself if my brother didn't knock on my door I would've done it already lol
I'm soooooo tired I just want it to end I'm a horrible person an dmy boyfriend told me he 's going crazy bc of me and i just wanna die. He won't break up with me bc he says he loves me and I just can't break up w him because he's my everything and I just love him so bad I want to get better just for him but I keep hurting him with my emotional outbursts and I have no ffucking idea what to do.. We were just getting better affter a few months of constant arguing and now we just had a big argument an he told me its all my fault and I just wanna die. I love him so bad I want to fade out of this world hearing that shit . I try my best to change into the better and it doesn't even work , I'll never be enough for anyone at all
