Venting just getting my thoughts out into the world

[DepressedGata]

i wish my friends and family hated me, that they would abandon me. i want to leave this world but i dont want to hurt anybody by doing so. i don't want to traumatise anybody. i know it would break dads heart if i died. i know it would break the hearts of my niece and nephew. they still cry everyday about mum and dad's dog. me dying would break them. i don't want to be the suicide that leads to somebody elses. but at the same time i still want to leave. i want to run from this life and see what the next one will be. i want to be selfish. im so tempted to just make a fake callout post for myself or something so everybody thinks im an awful person, so that i wont be somebody who'll be missed. i want my funeral to be empty. or even better, i hope they don't bother with one. i don't want people to see my death as a bad thing. i want people to breathe a sigh of relief when i'm gone. i want my death to be treated with indifference. i wish i didn't feel so trapped in life.

 

[Final_Choice]

I relate a lot to what you're going through, I wish I could just cease to exist and my existence be completely erased so that I don't hurt those around me. It's the only thing stopping me from doing it and the only reason my planned date is about a year from now when I'll graduate and be able to lie and say I have a job far away, that's when I'll do it.