Just found out he is actually married

[miserabletires9]

I wrote here about match with a guy on a dating app back in my home country. He's an expat. He love bombed me in the beginning, talking about getting a place for us when I am back, loves me, meet my parents etc. Texted me all the time wanting me. I felt, and had sex. Afterwards, he changed. But still says those things, but I have to dig out of him. I always felt something was off. But he asked for money to fix his bike, I gave. But next day he wouldn't call text, and is busy until.4am.. I went to his place at 7am, and he freaked out saying his female boss is in his apartment, I have to leave. I texted him right outside his apartment door, and he came out and gave me some gibberish about how his boss has to drive him to work every morning because he is an expat sun contractor, and sometimes the police checks at their school blah blah blah. I actually believed him and blamed myself for it for weeks.

I then woke up and registered for various dating profiles and matched with him. He would say different things to different profiles I set up. Lie about his intentions, his age, what he is doing etc.

Then one time, I got him to show me his real age on his ID. I told him he can blur out everything except his birthday. And he did. The ID was a temporary residence permit. And one additional thing he didn't blur out was the category for the permit. It was for reunification. Which means he has family members who are the citizens of that country. In my home.country, that usually means that expat is married to a local.

Then today, with another profile, I told him, I am married btw, do you mind. He said he's fine. I said are you married or gf? He then said he's alone... Turns out he said that he's married and wife lives in a different city. They have an open relationship.

It also made sense since he told.me that he bought a condo in that city. Expats are usually very difficult to buy property in my country.

Now everything made sense. When I knocked on his door, I bet it was his wife.

The night before he was with his wife, he was telling me how we will reset our relationship, he likes me, etc

I really don't know how to process this. I feel so dirty physically and emotionally. If you have an open relationship with your wife, that's between you and your wife. How can you do this to other people? Under the disguise that you are single. Why?!

Anyone has SN sources? And has the anemics that goes along with it? Please please let me know. I can't take it anymore

 

[Azora]

That sounds really terrible. However, as bad as relationships can be sometimes, breakups are generally a pretty poor reason to CTB. The pain almost always subsides with time and you will inevitably meet someone new. CTB is a very permanent solution and shouldn't be applied to a very temporary problem.

 

[miserabletires9]

I have been thinking about ctb for years. This is.just one more.straw. maybe the last straw

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like a really awful situation to be trapped in, I guess that after all you cannot trust and rely on people in this world, and to me it's insensitive how anti choice people on here invalidate the suffering of other people, I think that it's an personal decision when to leave this world that can only be made by the individual. Other people cannot experience life in the same way so why should they have a say in it. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[glitterypearls]

as @Azora said CTB from a breakup isn't a good idea, you are so heartbroken now but it will get better.

word of advice and I hope you don't get offended, LET THIS PERSON GO. you seem obsessed with him from creating so many profiles. just block him for good, feel the heartbreak and move on. you will meet someone better. if someone lies once.. immediately drop them.

another advice since I have so much experience with assholes like that, don't give them money. don't answer their texts after midnight because it's usually just for sex if someone care and love you they would text you during the day no matter how busy they are and most importantly if you can don't have sex early TILL you know this man character.

 

[SantasHelper]

I agree with the people above. CTB due to a heart break isn't the best idea because at that point, you're not thinking straight. But as a person with attachment issues, I feel your pain so much and I've felt it before many times. I get attached really easily and I end up feeling so heartbroken that I get genuinely and badly sick.

It's gonna take a bit. But after you're away from them in a while, you'll feel much better and more free. Delete those profiles, block him everywhere. Give it a few weeks and you'll feel way better. Who knows, maybe you'll meet someone else who is genuine and actually loving.

Wishing you luck regardless of what you choose to do and I hope you heal from this heartbreak

 

[miserabletires9]

He is not contacting me. He got his sex and money, he's moving on.

I just needed answers, as deep down I knew something wasn't right, he even gas lit me into thinking he wasn't doing nefarious when he got someone in his apartment at 7am in the morning.

But when I found my answer, I kept asking myself, why? How can someone be so devoid of any shred in regards to other ppl's feelings. Just spewing out whatever they think the other party wants to hear. How can they lie without anything?

 

[Octavia]

If you can get the contact info of his wife, then telling her about it (with evidence of course) might result in something. If that jerk is willing to lie and manipulate strangers, then there is a good chance that they are doing that to their spouse too.

 

[miserabletires9]

I don't know how to get his wife contact information. I would probably need contacts in the police department in home.country. which I don't have

 

[Aisley]

God, don't contact his wife. Don't invest any of your time, even your thought time to him. It's over, let it be over, take nothing with you but the lesson to be learned. He did not see you as people. It's that simple. That's why he could treat you like he did. There are many out there who don't see people when they have one right in front of them. Learn to recognize them; they are fucking everywhere. Lessons have to be earned, have to be paid for in some way, this one was pretty cheap if you ask me. No limbs lost, no cognitive functions, no family members. You get to walk away. Do it.

 

[OceanBlue]

If you can get the contact info of his wife, then telling her about it (with evidence of course) might result in something. If that jerk is willing to lie and manipulate strangers, then there is a good chance that they are doing that to their spouse too.

True, the marriage is most likely not open at all.

-------------

No man is worth this much emotional agony, you need to let this

This reminds me of Alex Forrest character in Fatal Attraction. The movie was released in the white cishet men era and someone like her terrified them. She was portrayed as the villain, her reactions were sensationalised, when it was obvious that the real monster was the man, who did not deserve neither her nor his stereotypically written forgiving wife he cheated on.

 

[glitterypearls]

He is not contacting me. He got his sex and money, he's moving on.

I just needed answers, as deep down I knew something wasn't right, he even gas lit me into thinking he wasn't doing nefarious when he got someone in his apartment at 7am in the morning.

But when I found my answer, I kept asking myself, why? How can someone be so devoid of any shred in regards to other ppl's feelings. Just spewing out whatever they think the other party wants to hear. How can they lie without anything?

let it go, I understand that you need answers on why. it's simple there is people who would use others for their own benefit. in your case, he is clearly a cheater who used his charm to get money and sex and when he gets that, he move on to another woman to do that to her. he will never give you the answer you are seeking because it's not more complicated than this. please move on and don't lose more of your time on him. you need to learn this lesson that he taught you and never give sex or money to any guy unless you truly trust him. another piece of advice I heard from a male on tiktok.. men don't ask the women they love for money because to them that make the girl lose respect in them (not true) but that's most of the men POV. so the fact he felt free to ask you for money.. as hard as this to hear for you.. he doesn't give a fuck about you so why are you wasting time on him? I get attached easily too and it hurts when it happen but the longer you stay obsessed with this the longer it will hurt.

 

[Hugh Class]

I wrote here about match with a guy on a dating app back in my home country. He's an expat. He love bombed me in the beginning, talking about getting a place for us when I am back, loves me, meet my parents etc. Texted me all the time wanting me. I felt, and had sex. Afterwards, he changed. But still says those things, but I have to dig out of him. I always felt something was off. But he asked for money to fix his bike, I gave. But next day he wouldn't call text, and is busy until.4am.. I went to his place at 7am, and he freaked out saying his female boss is in his apartment, I have to leave. I texted him right outside his apartment door, and he came out and gave me some gibberish about how his boss has to drive him to work every morning because he is an expat sun contractor, and sometimes the police checks at their school blah blah blah. I actually believed him and blamed myself for it for weeks.

I then woke up and registered for various dating profiles and matched with him. He would say different things to different profiles I set up. Lie about his intentions, his age, what he is doing etc.

Then one time, I got him to show me his real age on his ID. I told him he can blur out everything except his birthday. And he did. The ID was a temporary residence permit. And one additional thing he didn't blur out was the category for the permit. It was for reunification. Which means he has family members who are the citizens of that country. In my home.country, that usually means that expat is married to a local.

Then today, with another profile, I told him, I am married btw, do you mind. He said he's fine. I said are you married or gf? He then said he's alone... Turns out he said that he's married and wife lives in a different city. They have an open relationship.

It also made sense since he told.me that he bought a condo in that city. Expats are usually very difficult to buy property in my country.

Now everything made sense. When I knocked on his door, I bet it was his wife.

The night before he was with his wife, he was telling me how we will reset our relationship, he likes me, etc

I really don't know how to process this. I feel so dirty physically and emotionally. If you have an open relationship with your wife, that's between you and your wife. How can you do this to other people? Under the disguise that you are single. Why?!

Anyone has SN sources? And has the anemics that goes along with it? Please please let me know. I can't take it anymore

I have been in a very similiar situation in the past.... its devastating. So many people out there use others for their own selfish reasons.... they lack empathy...sympathy... and don't care at all about the people they. I still cant get over it.

 

[stermc]

Breakups hurt like hell, but once you get over it, you become so much wiser emotionally and the feeling of relief of not having to carry the burden of being heartbroken anymore is amazing. For real, I see that you have been suicidal since before it happened, but don't let this be even another reason to ctb. It's not worth it. It'll pass.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

Please don't end your life because of a man, 'if this miserable pathetic excuse can be described as a man'? You deserve a Gentleman