defunkt
Member
- Apr 10, 2024
- 10
Back to my favorite hobby.
Contemplating the best way to CTB.
The only reason I haven't gone through with it so far is pretty much just chickening out the last two times.
Been through so much trauma so much people pretending to give a fuck when they don't really.
I can't pay the bills and every time I try to do something for myself I just end up failing.
I even fail in killing myself ffs
I've got a really high threshold so I don't even easily get high no matter what I use now. And they're making it impossible to even buy the right kind of drugs I would need to attempt anything at all and I'm fucking broke anyway.
I have a serious question because I will look through the other threads but for now all I have on me are razor blades. Has anyone got any experience with that method
I have this fascination with everything grotesque and gory and I honestly am at a point where I have anhedonia and dissociation I've been alone for more than a decade and every time I try to fill it with a friend I just fail.
So I'm not even trying anymore. I'm not even looking for a romantic love because I just don't give a fuck about anyone enough no one feels interesting enough to just be a viable option for it any more.
I also have some beliefs religion wise that people just won't understand. Like LHP etc if you guys know about it, or demonolatry etc.
Anyway, just wanted to vent I guess.
My parents have been the most abusive narcissistic people and got beat up bad and then getting raped and what not it's just been hell and somehow I trudged through till my 35 bday but it's just getting to a point where I'm done.
Contemplating the best way to CTB.
The only reason I haven't gone through with it so far is pretty much just chickening out the last two times.
Been through so much trauma so much people pretending to give a fuck when they don't really.
I can't pay the bills and every time I try to do something for myself I just end up failing.
I even fail in killing myself ffs
I've got a really high threshold so I don't even easily get high no matter what I use now. And they're making it impossible to even buy the right kind of drugs I would need to attempt anything at all and I'm fucking broke anyway.
I have a serious question because I will look through the other threads but for now all I have on me are razor blades. Has anyone got any experience with that method
I have this fascination with everything grotesque and gory and I honestly am at a point where I have anhedonia and dissociation I've been alone for more than a decade and every time I try to fill it with a friend I just fail.
So I'm not even trying anymore. I'm not even looking for a romantic love because I just don't give a fuck about anyone enough no one feels interesting enough to just be a viable option for it any more.
I also have some beliefs religion wise that people just won't understand. Like LHP etc if you guys know about it, or demonolatry etc.
Anyway, just wanted to vent I guess.
My parents have been the most abusive narcissistic people and got beat up bad and then getting raped and what not it's just been hell and somehow I trudged through till my 35 bday but it's just getting to a point where I'm done.
