Hello community
Idk where i should post this as i wanted to share what keeps me alive and not to ctb.
First of all i've been dealing with borderline issues for quite almost 5 years now, i live in a country where medical system is not bad-ish, psychiatric field isn't well developed and i had a bad experience in a psychiatric unit four years ago due to a failed ctb attempt.
Since that bad experience at that fucking hospital i decided not to get back to any stupid hospital nor consult any psychiatric doctor anymore, like all they do is give meds like hello ?? Its not about the treatment.
I used to take antidepressants for about 6 months in morning but they didnt work cuz they fucked my mood once there effect is gone i'm like a zombie afterwards.
So yeah since then life has just become a survival mode for me, its not about depression but the void that i keep sinking into daily and get out of it once something positive happens, then i get back to it once my borderline symptoms kick in. Its a cycle that only those who suffer can understand it.
Also i have been doing online researches to confirm its not bipolar or something else, cuz when i got out of the hospital they didnt even bother delivering a report of whats been diagonised, maybe i should've asked, but i was clueless back then, that's why i requested a copy lately and i'm waiting for delivery, it takes so FUCKING LONG ITA ABNOXIOUS MAN.
Oh there's the famous "psychoherapy" magic solution its a cliche in this country that if u have a problem u go see a therapist and boom its solved, but hey it doesnt work that way for everybody, not for me.
The health system is actually desgined that if u want to get a diagnosis u need to see a psychiatric doctor but those people keep a medical record and i dont like that its weird to me that they keep it that kinda stuff, but ok.
Somehow it doesn't feel weird to share this stuff here, i'm sirrounded by people in irl who're cmplete normies and don't know much about chronic mental ilness.
By the way i have other disorders that i won't be sharing here maybe next time.
I often think about suicide and if i have the access to my method i wouldn't be here today, which is firearm but that's going to get me to jail so for now i'm continuing to cope and just try to exist.
The way i cope is alcohol when its hard for me to stop myself from acting impulsive it had helped me more than those shitty antidepressants.
I go to swim from time to time when i feel it.
I like reading too
I am a loner so people aren't my cup of tea.
And the last thing i can say is that i'm actually glad that there's people who are in a similar situation like mine and i'm able to share what i'm going through with respect and no censorship.
Stay safe y'll.
Idk where i should post this as i wanted to share what keeps me alive and not to ctb.
First of all i've been dealing with borderline issues for quite almost 5 years now, i live in a country where medical system is not bad-ish, psychiatric field isn't well developed and i had a bad experience in a psychiatric unit four years ago due to a failed ctb attempt.
Since that bad experience at that fucking hospital i decided not to get back to any stupid hospital nor consult any psychiatric doctor anymore, like all they do is give meds like hello ?? Its not about the treatment.
I used to take antidepressants for about 6 months in morning but they didnt work cuz they fucked my mood once there effect is gone i'm like a zombie afterwards.
So yeah since then life has just become a survival mode for me, its not about depression but the void that i keep sinking into daily and get out of it once something positive happens, then i get back to it once my borderline symptoms kick in. Its a cycle that only those who suffer can understand it.
Also i have been doing online researches to confirm its not bipolar or something else, cuz when i got out of the hospital they didnt even bother delivering a report of whats been diagonised, maybe i should've asked, but i was clueless back then, that's why i requested a copy lately and i'm waiting for delivery, it takes so FUCKING LONG ITA ABNOXIOUS MAN.
Oh there's the famous "psychoherapy" magic solution its a cliche in this country that if u have a problem u go see a therapist and boom its solved, but hey it doesnt work that way for everybody, not for me.
The health system is actually desgined that if u want to get a diagnosis u need to see a psychiatric doctor but those people keep a medical record and i dont like that its weird to me that they keep it that kinda stuff, but ok.
Somehow it doesn't feel weird to share this stuff here, i'm sirrounded by people in irl who're cmplete normies and don't know much about chronic mental ilness.
By the way i have other disorders that i won't be sharing here maybe next time.
I often think about suicide and if i have the access to my method i wouldn't be here today, which is firearm but that's going to get me to jail so for now i'm continuing to cope and just try to exist.
The way i cope is alcohol when its hard for me to stop myself from acting impulsive it had helped me more than those shitty antidepressants.
I go to swim from time to time when i feel it.
I like reading too
I am a loner so people aren't my cup of tea.
And the last thing i can say is that i'm actually glad that there's people who are in a similar situation like mine and i'm able to share what i'm going through with respect and no censorship.
Stay safe y'll.
