pomie
♡
- Sep 14, 2025
- 14
Every day I'm not at my friends place is so hard. Recent conversations with a lady at work and two friends led me to realize my mom has never been right in the head and has been abusive since i was young. Since it's all psychological, some neglect, some weird sexual boundary stuff, instead of the telltale physical stuff (although shes pushed me to the floor once lol) i never really noticed.
Now i feel like my eyes have been opened up, and i cant really stop waking up with this feeling of "yeah, life is different now, i cant do this anymore" as in, i dont want to deal with her anymore, but i also dont want to deal with anything, its so much work. Speaking of work? I've lost all passion for learning IT thanks to the harrassment in school. Just get it away from me.
Why is it always on the exhausted people to put in the work of getting to a better place?
I hate how everything is intertwined. Get sexually harrassed -> remember past sexual harrassment/abuse from childhood -> try to tell mother -> she cries and says youre making everything about yourself -> feel like shit from all these memories always coming up when around strangers or alone + knowing your own mother doesnt give a shit about you
Why do mentally ill people have kids? why do you, as a woman whos been abused by your own parents, pass this shit down on your own kids and then cry for sympathy online? You made the selfish choice of having kids with a man whos already been divorced 2, 3 times, and then you decide you dont want them anymore actually.
Wonder how i wouldve turned out with a loving family. I dont particularly feel any more unloved than usual, because i always knew my mother didnt truly love me and only saw me as competition or a tool to use for sympathy from others online.
The world was not made for women like me. We're still expected to live amongst the men who have hurt us so, and then get abused some more. Burdened with the task of going to therapy to fix ourselves instead of the people who have done all these things to us. Why am i the weird one for wanting to die after this being my life? Do you want me to not do it because you need someone to keep working to pay the taxes? people sure as hell dont care about you as an individual
cant even kill myself because i have 2 cats i dont want to leave with my incompetent mother, also no SN in germany. I'm not risking attempting with something else and then ending up worse off, even my mother made fun of me for this when i told her i want to die. All i can do is keep drinking and lowkey hoping ill be one of the next stabbing murder victims. I dont even want to be perceivable in any form thats not disgust
Now i feel like my eyes have been opened up, and i cant really stop waking up with this feeling of "yeah, life is different now, i cant do this anymore" as in, i dont want to deal with her anymore, but i also dont want to deal with anything, its so much work. Speaking of work? I've lost all passion for learning IT thanks to the harrassment in school. Just get it away from me.
Why is it always on the exhausted people to put in the work of getting to a better place?
I hate how everything is intertwined. Get sexually harrassed -> remember past sexual harrassment/abuse from childhood -> try to tell mother -> she cries and says youre making everything about yourself -> feel like shit from all these memories always coming up when around strangers or alone + knowing your own mother doesnt give a shit about you
Why do mentally ill people have kids? why do you, as a woman whos been abused by your own parents, pass this shit down on your own kids and then cry for sympathy online? You made the selfish choice of having kids with a man whos already been divorced 2, 3 times, and then you decide you dont want them anymore actually.
Wonder how i wouldve turned out with a loving family. I dont particularly feel any more unloved than usual, because i always knew my mother didnt truly love me and only saw me as competition or a tool to use for sympathy from others online.
The world was not made for women like me. We're still expected to live amongst the men who have hurt us so, and then get abused some more. Burdened with the task of going to therapy to fix ourselves instead of the people who have done all these things to us. Why am i the weird one for wanting to die after this being my life? Do you want me to not do it because you need someone to keep working to pay the taxes? people sure as hell dont care about you as an individual
cant even kill myself because i have 2 cats i dont want to leave with my incompetent mother, also no SN in germany. I'm not risking attempting with something else and then ending up worse off, even my mother made fun of me for this when i told her i want to die. All i can do is keep drinking and lowkey hoping ill be one of the next stabbing murder victims. I dont even want to be perceivable in any form thats not disgust
