Livingvsdying25

Livingvsdying25

Enlightened
Dec 8, 2019
1,188
I feel like this is not the first time I've had a dream like this with this person in it. I wouldn't be surprised if it was actually about something but alas whatever tbh.

Shall be going back to sleep after I eat a freeze. Didn't eat anything else yesterday and not sure ima eat anything else today. Not gonna talk to anyone in my life and not gonna bother reaching out per say to anyone.


Shall jus stay isolated on this site kinda thing. Hope I can fall back asleeo after watching some kpop vids. I don't feel like im at a place mentally to plan yet but I think after today I will be. If I just focus on rest for rn sometime this week I can get to the planning parts.


It's hard not to impulsively kill ones self.


How r y'all sustaining or planning today?
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: just_so_done, socrates, The anhedonic one and 2 others
The anhedonic one

The anhedonic one

Dead inside
May 20, 2023
1,070
I'm barely sustaining getting through today and my plans have already been made.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Livingvsdying25
socrates

socrates

I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.
Dec 3, 2019
299
I'm so sorry to hear that. I get dreams that really mess me up every now and then, I wake up shaking and crying. Sometimes all you can do is just exist, and that's ok. I've allready been somewhat productive today, but these last few weeks have had many days where I did nothing. I hope you feel better as the day goes on.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Livingvsdying25
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
38,945
To answer the question, I'm just passing the time as all that existing is, is just waiting around to die and of course I'm always very tired of existing here. But it must had been awful to have a nightmare like that, it's true that very often not even sleep offers any relief.
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: Livingvsdying25 and Goodgirlryeo101
J

just_so_done

Experienced
Apr 16, 2023
258
I've had numerous times where i wake up with anxiety coursing through my body, not even sure what dream/nightmare could have caused it. maybe just the idea of waking up yet again is the reason, who knows. Today is going to be like most days, probably spend most of it in bed watching shows and being on this site. Probably try my best not to eat same as i did yesterday. so i feel like i can relate to you, wanting to isolate from everyone and everything. Thinking of you.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Livingvsdying25
Livingvsdying25

Livingvsdying25

Enlightened
Dec 8, 2019
1,188
Just replying to this thread instead of making another one. Here's how my days been so far:
It is like mid-afternoon right now and I just woke up again.

I ate a lil dry cereal earlier and ate some yesterday actually. I had a freeze and am thawing one rn. (I like them half melted)

I started thinking that no wonder homeless folks are so irritable. When one doesn't eat everything is irritating. The freeze should help with this a little. I still dont feel like eating actual food. I'm just not ready and I do think it is my eating disorder getting in the way but tbh I don't care. I'm gonna start looking into starving to death bc clearly not eating is "easy enough" for me.

I was sleeping and haven't had any dreams or anything so thats nice but I have a package of an electrolyte supplement coming in today. Its peach flavored and I haven't tried it before. I loveeee peaches & peach flavored things. Im allergic to peach skin though and I wonder if I can use that to CTB.

I need my electrolyte supplements to think and move properly. I've def been slacking on my salt intake and my brain fog is an obvious indication of this. (Plus the lack of eating but yee) I need be able to plan and practice my suicide and this state of my brain is not it...

Soo yee here hoping my electrolyte supplement does its thing.


Im just watching tv & youtube videos though today. Tmrw ima clean up more/spend Monday and Tuesday cleaning. (Bathroom, laundry, kitchen, fridge/freezer, floors)

Then start planning and practicing. If I keep a good schedule I can be dead by the end of June. If I can manage to do hanging. I hope I can. I pray I can. I need this life of mine to end and to end soon.

Gonna put it in whatever will I have that all my gofundme money goes to someone who deserves it. Bc I don't. 😔


I wish being suicidal came with less self loathing and self hate. But alas I just feel like a worthless piece of shit. Like all the work I've done to feel like a deserving human being goes down the drain when I'm suicidal.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: just_so_done
J

just_so_done

Experienced
Apr 16, 2023
258
@whatevertryinmeans23 I'm sorry you're having such a hard time but i think it's good you were able to eat something (i'm such a hypocrite i know) and get some more sleep. I'm curious about these freezes and electrolyte supplements. My ED has been very active so i'm trying to limit calories, do these have alot and do they actually help you function more during the day? I have so much to do with regular life stuff but more importantly plan my ctb and just cant manage it due to no energy, focus, cognitive function, and mental health stuff. Also i love peach flavored things too so definitely would love to know more if you're willing to share :)
 
Livingvsdying25

Livingvsdying25

Enlightened
Dec 8, 2019
1,188
Whats a freeze?
Like a popsicle but without the stick. Like its just frozen but flavored ice. Search "Mr. Freeze" and you'll see what im talking about.

They are called freeze's in Canada.
 
  • Like
Reactions: jonghyun
jonghyun

jonghyun

trying to do well
May 6, 2023
95
Like a popsicle but without the stick. Like its just frozen but flavored ice. Search "Mr. Freeze" and you'll see what im talking about.

They are called freeze's in Canada.
Ooh. Thank you! I have never heard of it..
 
  • Like
Reactions: Livingvsdying25
Livingvsdying25

Livingvsdying25

Enlightened
Dec 8, 2019
1,188
@whatevertryinmeans23 I'm sorry you're having such a hard time but i think it's good you were able to eat something (i'm such a hypocrite i know) and get some more sleep. I'm curious about these freezes and electrolyte supplements. My ED has been very active so i'm trying to limit calories, do these have alot and do they actually help you function more during the day? I have so much to do with regular life stuff but more importantly plan my ctb and just cant manage it due to no energy, focus, cognitive function, and mental health stuff. Also i love peach flavored things too so definitely would love to know more if you're willing to share :)
Thnxx for the compassion. Im glad I was able to eat a lil smthin too and I hope ur able to get in a little bit of food yourself 💞

While I'm not one to per say share "tips" for eating disorders hmm since you're already struggling with one I'll give ya some info. Bc supplementing electrolytes while not eating as much is just good for ya.

I have a health issue called POTS (Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome) and for it I need to be ingesting 6g-10g of salt/electrolyte a day.

The freeze's I've been eating I cannot remember how many calories are in each bc I threw out the box accidentally. I don't think they have that much though as they are the healthier option for electrolyte supplements. Less sugar and more electrolytes, especially compared to Gatorade or Powerade.


They are called "Pedialyte" they also have a drink version too. The electrolyte supplements I'm using are called "Salt Stick Fast chews" I get them off of Amazon. They are like chewable tablets that you need to drink 500ml of water per 2 tablets.

I shall update on how good the peach ones taste. Before I tried the lemon/lime and that was good. I also tried the orange one and it was gross to me.

Pedialyte might be Canadian but it might be able to be found else where/ on Amazon as well.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: just_so_done
J

just_so_done

Experienced
Apr 16, 2023
258
Thank you too for your kindness. I will try and get a little food in me today 🧡

Sorry to hear you have POTS, its not something i know about but i'm sure it makes life harder. I'm glad you're taking electrolytes tho and doing what you can.

As a fellow Canadian i definitely know freezies well, white ones were always my favorite growing up! I've tried the pedialyte ones when i was really sick once and just couldn't enjoy the taste but i haven't been drinking the gatorade i have bc of the calories so maybe i'll revisit the freezes but will definitely look up the salt stick fast chews on amazon. thank you for sharing that resource with me. I like lemon/lime and look forward to your update on the peach one :)
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Livingvsdying25
Livingvsdying25

Livingvsdying25

Enlightened
Dec 8, 2019
1,188
Thank you too for your kindness. I will try and get a little food in me today 🧡

Sorry to hear you have POTS, its not something i know about but i'm sure it makes life harder. I'm glad you're taking electrolytes tho and doing what you can.

As a fellow Canadian i definitely know freezies well, white ones were always my favorite growing up! I've tried the pedialyte ones when i was really sick once and just couldn't enjoy the taste but i haven't been drinking the gatorade i have bc of the calories so maybe i'll revisit the freezes but will definitely look up the salt stick fast chews on amazon. thank you for sharing that resource with me. I like lemon/lime and look forward to your update on the peach one :)
Wishing u the best in ur care regarding the eating disorder. The pedialyte does tatse weird bc of the salt content imo. But at this point im kinda used to the weird salty taste.

LMNT is another electrolyte supplement that is all the rage with POTS communities. Its very low calories as well. Kinda expensive though and people say it taste weird as well but it has a very high salt amount. Like 1000mg per package.

Wishing ya the best in finding something that works 💞

My package just came!! Yayyy
 
  • Yay!
Reactions: just_so_done
Livingvsdying25

Livingvsdying25

Enlightened
Dec 8, 2019
1,188
Thank you too for your kindness. I will try and get a little food in me today 🧡

Sorry to hear you have POTS, its not something i know about but i'm sure it makes life harder. I'm glad you're taking electrolytes tho and doing what you can.

As a fellow Canadian i definitely know freezies well, white ones were always my favorite growing up! I've tried the pedialyte ones when i was really sick once and just couldn't enjoy the taste but i haven't been drinking the gatorade i have bc of the calories so maybe i'll revisit the freezes but will definitely look up the salt stick fast chews on amazon. thank you for sharing that resource with me. I like lemon/lime and look forward to your update on the peach one :)
OMGGGGG i just opened/tried the peach ones 😭😭😭 literally as I was opening the package I could smell the delicious peach flavor and omg the taste!!!!


This is literally the best one yet!!! Woahhh this taste like candy 🍬 like the lime one tasted decent but this is just woahh def will be encouraging me to eat more of these/will like encourage my brain to remember!!

This is soo good!! Def recommend getting. Having electrolyte supplements helps with folks that eat regularly and such but its especially helpful if you aren't. 10/10 recommend.

(Lolol food/flavors makes me excited as it's hard to find things that fit my sensory needs as someone that is also autistic.)
 
J

just_so_done

Experienced
Apr 16, 2023
258
OMGGGGG i just opened/tried the peach ones 😭😭😭 literally as I was opening the package I could smell the delicious peach flavor and omg the taste!!!!


This is literally the best one yet!!! Woahhh this taste like candy 🍬 like the lime one tasted decent but this is just woahh def will be encouraging me to eat more of these/will like encourage my brain to remember!!

This is soo good!! Def recommend getting. Having electrolyte supplements helps with folks that eat regularly and such but its especially helpful if you aren't. 10/10 recommend.

(Lolol food/flavors makes me excited as it's hard to find things that fit my sensory needs as someone that is also autistic.)
Yayyyyyy! I'm so excited for you that its as amazing as you hoped, especially if its hard for you to find things that fit your needs. I want one now too lol!!! so just to confirm are these the salt stick fast chews or the freezes? Thank you so much for the update and i'm so happy you found something that works even better than the things you've tried. Peach all the way!!!!
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Livingvsdying25

Similar threads

TimetoGo!
Replies
30
Views
937
Suicide Discussion
Asleepatlast
A
MinrathousGallus
Replies
9
Views
465
Suicide Discussion
stella68
S
ctemourge
Replies
2
Views
145
Suicide Discussion
ctemourge
ctemourge
senti-mental
Replies
7
Views
657
Suicide Discussion
senti-mental
senti-mental