Jumping from 21 floors

[waitingtodie]

I'm so scared of heights but I feel like jumping is my only way to ctb as I've been hospitalized due to suicidal ideation so I have no way of purchasing a gun. I was thinking of going to my aunts house and jumping off her balcony but I'm scared SI will stop me and I'll be taken to the hospital again. I also don't want to do it in front of her since she is in her 70s. I feel like realistically I'm going to climb over her balcony and freeze and she's going to try to talk me out of jumping. I have to figure out a way to not be afraid, climb over and say if you do this you won't struggle/suffer in the future.

I hate that money makes the world go round. I struggle at work. I'm working at a temp job and I don't see them hiring me. I feel like if this job lets me go I'm not going to find another job and I'm going to run through all of my money. I'm scared of the thought of being homeless and not being able to care for myself. Also getting up and going into work has been harder and harder as the days go by.

Every time I wake up I wonder how is this my life. How did I used to live normally and take care of my personal appearance, have romantic relationships, work, feed myself multiple times a day, and take care of my grooming? How did I have a normal life? I feel so far from normal. All I do now is wake up and stress out about losing this job, running through what's left of my savings. It's on my mind all day and I don't want to live on the streets hungry and cold (winter is coming). I feel like killing myself now will avoid all future agony.

 

[Lawliet]

jumping takes a lot of balls, but if you're determined enough that might be an option. i don't know how high you need to do it. could you do it while your aunt is asleep?

 

[waitingtodie]

No I'd be visiting her. She'd be awake the entire time of my visit. Im not spending the night.

jumping takes a lot of balls, but if you're determined enough that might be an option. i don't know how high you need to do it. could you do it while your aunt is asleep?

 

[FuneralCry]

It's understandable wanting to avoid future suffering. It sounds really tiring what you have to endure, it must be hard to deal with and I know that it really can be so awful when life just gets worse and worse as time goes on. It's just so horrifying how such a thing as homelessness even exists. Jumping does sound like a terrifying way to ctb to me, but I understand having limited options of ways to leave. I do envy those with the courage for this method though. I wish you freedom for when the time is right for you to leave this world.

 

[Sad_Sack]

Yeah, jumping from your aunts balcony would most likely crush her to the core. I don't know how old you are but I can tell you as a 48 year old that its hard not to see the younger family members as babies or children still. Jumping will be super hard to do also. It would be a thousand times harder than standing with your hands behind your back and allowing yourself to fall flat on the floor without stopping yourself. People do jump though so who knows. I would think about soaring your aunt either way. There are other ways to ctb.

 

[theboy]

I am in a 25-story building and looking down is scary. I even tried to cover my eyes with a blindfold but it was worse. It is very difficult.

You could get up in the wee hours of the morning and walk out onto the balcony.

 

[hamvil]

I was living in a 12 floors building for a while, many nights I would go to the roof and approach the border, got very close but clearly never made the final step. So scary tbh. I wished I had the courage, life has gone so wrong since that time.

 

[waitingtodie]

Yeah I was on the 25th floor at my job and looked down and couldn't picture myself jumping from that heights. Back to square one. I tried SN a few months ago. I woke back up and I had gone to the bathroom on myself. Don't want to try that again. I was thinking of tying a garbage bag on my head and handcuffing myself to something but the times I've tried it's been excruciating pain. I want to pass out immediately not panic from not being able to breathe for a few minutes. A few minutes can feel like forever when you're in extreme pain.

 

[Willto]

Yeah I was on the 25th floor at my job and looked down and couldn't picture myself jumping from that heights. Back to square one. I tried SN a few months ago. I woke back up and I had gone to the bathroom on myself. Don't want to try that again. I was thinking of tying a garbage bag on my head and handcuffing myself to something but the times I've tried it's been excruciating pain. I want to pass out immediately not panic from not being able to breathe for a few minutes. A few minutes can feel like forever when you're in extreme pain.

You woke up? How much did you take?

 

[waitingtodie]

You woke up? How much did you take?

I woke up like 12 hours later covered in my waste. I took the recommended amount. I forgot how much it was but I found it on this site how much to take.

 

[Rounded Agony]

This all sounds awful. Sorry to hear.

I woke up like 12 hours later covered in my waste. I took the recommended amount. I forgot how much it was but I found it on this site how much to take.

Wow, this is unusual. Did you follow the full regimen and everything?

 

[freevoid]

I woke up like 12 hours later covered in my waste. I took the recommended amount. I forgot how much it was but I found it on this site how much to take.

Have you tested the SN? Either via blood test or aquarium test? And what does your SN look like? A while back someone was accidently sent epsom salts instead of SN. Epsom salts are a laxative. She also woke up and had bathroom troubles.

 

[waitingtodie]

Have you tested the SN? Either via blood test or aquarium test? And what does your SN look like? A while back someone was accidently sent epsom salts instead of SN. Epsom salts are a laxative. She also woke up and had bathroom troubles.

I ordered the SN through Amazon. I didn't test via blood though or aquarium.

 

[freevoid]

I ordered the SN through Amazon. I didn't test via blood though or aquarium.

Might be worth it to test. What does it look like? And what did it taste like? Was it salty?

 

[Maudlin]

I'm so scared of heights but I feel like jumping is my only way to ctb as I've been hospitalized due to suicidal ideation so I have no way of purchasing a gun. I was thinking of going to my aunts house and jumping off her balcony but I'm scared SI will stop me and I'll be taken to the hospital again. I also don't want to do it in front of her since she is in her 70s. I feel like realistically I'm going to climb over her balcony and freeze and she's going to try to talk me out of jumping. I have to figure out a way to not be afraid, climb over and say if you do this you won't struggle/suffer in the future.

I hate that money makes the world go round. I struggle at work. I'm working at a temp job and I don't see them hiring me. I feel like if this job lets me go I'm not going to find another job and I'm going to run through all of my money. I'm scared of the thought of being homeless and not being able to care for myself. Also getting up and going into work has been harder and harder as the days go by.

Every time I wake up I wonder how is this my life. How did I used to live normally and take care of my personal appearance, have romantic relationships, work, feed myself multiple times a day, and take care of my grooming? How did I have a normal life? I feel so far from normal. All I do now is wake up and stress out about losing this job, running through what's left of my savings. It's on my mind all day and I don't want to live on the streets hungry and cold (winter is coming). I feel like killing myself now will avoid all future agony.

You'd really feel bad if just watching you climb the railing gave the poor ol' girl a heart attack.
I'd re-think it if I were you, OP.

 

[Someone123]

I woke up like 12 hours later covered in my waste. I took the recommended amount. I forgot how much it was but I found it on this site how much to take.

Just wondering, did you take other meds with this? This could be helpful to know for others who are considering this method.

 

[DreamEnd]

I ordered the SN through Amazon. I didn't test via blood though or aquarium.

Are you sure you had pure sn?

 

[Amnesiaisalloverme]

Yeah I was on the 25th floor at my job and looked down and couldn't picture myself jumping from that heights. Back to square one. I tried SN a few months ago. I woke back up and I had gone to the bathroom on myself. Don't want to try that again. I was thinking of tying a garbage bag on my head and handcuffing myself to something but the times I've tried it's been excruciating pain. I want to pass out immediately not panic from not being able to breathe for a few minutes. A few minutes can feel like forever when you're in extreme pain.

Wuts the colour of your sn?

 

[karel1987]

I also worked on the 25th floor. I was then less suicidal but I also could not imagine to jump