Hello my dear fellows,
after my first depression and the state I was in I can say that I finally recovered.
I did not visited this site for a long time. I thought I would never again.
The day I stopped checking daily on this site was the day I started my recovering process. I took for half a year anti depressiva and talked with a psychologists.
The anti depressiva killed all my social life and made me basically a robot. Talking with a psychologist was good but it is very hard to find a spot here and it is expensive. Making sports helps obviously a lot but can be hard to convice itself in the beginning.
You dear fellows can maybe relate to but the hardest rock to climb was everyone arround you trying to give there opinion and trying to be involved in the process. I had some good and bad encounters with people trying to help. Everyone is trying to f*** you in these state. The best strategy for me was only to talk with a small group of people.
My mum wanted to take offiially care of me by going to court because I had ONE depression in my life. I thought it is hillarious as she it self was taking medication for decades and had multiple suicidal attemps and is chronicaly depressiv.
As I have an ongoing police investigation it was harder to deal with my problems as everyone was informed about the state. You can imagine how it feels like when everybody knows everything about your life, horrible! Especially if you were going through a hard time. People do not want me to talk, have eye contact or smile. That made my journey way harder. I sometimes confuse the stress and frustration with the old state I was in and think of taking some meds again but I realized there is better ways to deal with it. Meditation and walks keep me balanced.
Nowadays life is still shit but as I said I do not have suicidial thoughts anymore. I lost my job, have no girlfriend, about to be homeless and going to jail but I do not have serious thoughts about harm myself. I just deal with the current life circumtences and realized that life is like this.
I am sad that I did not move far away as now I am stuck in a place everyone knows everything about me without having the courage to talk to me about what they know. The police investigation did not made it easier to connect without everything about a personal life being spread.
As I said I fully recovered, I do not have suicidal thoughts anymore but I reduced my life to a minimum - I guess preparing myself for jail.
I never though that I would ever visit a board like this in my life, it was a harsh time. I will delete my account before I go to jail.
after my first depression and the state I was in I can say that I finally recovered.
I did not visited this site for a long time. I thought I would never again.
The day I stopped checking daily on this site was the day I started my recovering process. I took for half a year anti depressiva and talked with a psychologists.
The anti depressiva killed all my social life and made me basically a robot. Talking with a psychologist was good but it is very hard to find a spot here and it is expensive. Making sports helps obviously a lot but can be hard to convice itself in the beginning.
You dear fellows can maybe relate to but the hardest rock to climb was everyone arround you trying to give there opinion and trying to be involved in the process. I had some good and bad encounters with people trying to help. Everyone is trying to f*** you in these state. The best strategy for me was only to talk with a small group of people.
My mum wanted to take offiially care of me by going to court because I had ONE depression in my life. I thought it is hillarious as she it self was taking medication for decades and had multiple suicidal attemps and is chronicaly depressiv.
As I have an ongoing police investigation it was harder to deal with my problems as everyone was informed about the state. You can imagine how it feels like when everybody knows everything about your life, horrible! Especially if you were going through a hard time. People do not want me to talk, have eye contact or smile. That made my journey way harder. I sometimes confuse the stress and frustration with the old state I was in and think of taking some meds again but I realized there is better ways to deal with it. Meditation and walks keep me balanced.
Nowadays life is still shit but as I said I do not have suicidial thoughts anymore. I lost my job, have no girlfriend, about to be homeless and going to jail but I do not have serious thoughts about harm myself. I just deal with the current life circumtences and realized that life is like this.
I am sad that I did not move far away as now I am stuck in a place everyone knows everything about me without having the courage to talk to me about what they know. The police investigation did not made it easier to connect without everything about a personal life being spread.
As I said I fully recovered, I do not have suicidal thoughts anymore but I reduced my life to a minimum - I guess preparing myself for jail.
I never though that I would ever visit a board like this in my life, it was a harsh time. I will delete my account before I go to jail.
