JBP got an audience question about why s/he shouldn't ctb. I was hoping it would be a lightbulb moment for me. I respect what he thinks but I feel too far gone.
He lists four reasons:
- "You will devastate the people you leave behind."
- "You owe it to yourself to look at every possible alternative.'
- "Consider that your life has intrinsic value."
- "Don't be so sure your life is yours to take."
I have literally no idea who this is and can't be bothered to search whether or not I should care about his views or if any even align with mine (probably not judging by this list) so I'll just attempt to refute them from my own viewpoint.
1. I don't care about the people I'm leaving behind because the devastation they will feel is still vastly outweighed by the devastation I wreak on a daily basis to myself and in an indirect way, to the world as a whole by continuing to be alive.
2. I have looked at the alternatives and have decided that besides continuing to sit on my ass 24/7 to wait on a mostly impossible miracle, the other options for me are ones I have no interest in considering and I'd much rather be dead than to ever choose any of them. Most of the measures I'd have to take involve permanent lifestyle changes that would only add on to the suffering I endure and not alleviate any of it in the slightest.
3. Lol. Sure maybe my life has value to the many corporations I shamelessly give my money to but in terms of intrinsic value, the only worth in my life right now is in watching myself suffer at the hands of my own lethargy and bitterness. Again, I'd rather be dead than have to continue this cycle for much longer.
4. Too bad. If he's trying to tell me that my life actually belongs to God, my parents, the government, or any other BS like that then maybe any of those entities should have helped more to make me not want to throw away my life and thus destroy whatever stake they have in my living. As it stands now, I really don't think there's anything any of those people can do to make my life more bearable without also making too many other lives miserable in the process. Even if God the omnipotent ruler of all things decided to wake up one day and stop treating my life like a shit sandwich, then the ball is in his court now. He knows what He'd have to do to make me no longer want to commit suicide but I know He doesn't have the testicles to do it because doing so and continuing my existence would be inherently evil due to the harm it would inevitably be likely to cause if I'm kept alive for too long.
Maybe some of these points could work on other people who either have better willpower or more moral strength than I do but that's never going to be the case for me at least.
