Venting I've waited, it's just as awful as I thought it'd be

[Static-n-cyanide]

Been putting a pause on ctb (no attempts) just to see if it'd get better, now I just feel angry and stupid. I don't know why I thought it would, been wanting to die since I was at least 10, now I'm just worse and REALLY needing out. I don't even have anyone to talk to about it, no exaggeration, 0 friends, 0 family, nothing. I spend most of my time sleeping or going online trying to distract myself, and yeah, I'm fucking alone. It's just not worth the "one more day, just to make sure", my life is already over and I know it, I just need to quit making myself suffer. I need to really realize normal, deserving to live people have people who care about them, for them it's easy to have someone care about them, because they are deserving of it, and I am not that, nobody cares because nobody ever will, I'm hard to care about. The sooner I let that sink in, the better.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

0 friends, 0 family, nothing. I spend most of my time sleeping or going online trying to distract myself, and yeah, I'm fucking alone.

That's exactly the same situation I'm in. No family (all died), no friends, 100% alone every hour of every day, of every week, of every month. The only contact I have with people are in the checkout lines at the grocery stores.

because they are deserving of it

This I don't buy. We are ALL deserving of having someone care about us and having someone to care about. I think we're just unlucky in life and that has a lot to do with things. Normies aren't any better or more deserving of anything. No one is more deserving than any other. That's my take, anyway. I won't be living this way for too much longer. I need out, too, and just as soon as I get a couple things "tidy-ed up", I'm outta here.

 

[eashanm]

What method you planning to use?

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be dreadful having to suffer like that, I get that it's so awful when existing just continues to get worse but anyway I wish you the best.

 

[venin]

Been putting a pause on ctb (no attempts) just to see if it'd get better, now I just feel angry and stupid. I don't know why I thought it would, been wanting to die since I was at least 10, now I'm just worse and REALLY needing out. I don't even have anyone to talk to about it, no exaggeration, 0 friends, 0 family, nothing. I spend most of my time sleeping or going online trying to distract myself, and yeah, I'm fucking alone. It's just not worth the "one more day, just to make sure", my life is already over and I know it, I just need to quit making myself suffer. I need to really realize normal, deserving to live people have people who care about them, for them it's easy to have someone care about them, because they are deserving of it, and I am not that, nobody cares because nobody ever will, I'm hard to care about. The sooner I let that sink in, the better.

Why are you saying you don't deserve those things?