I've said all my goodbyes

[toanachreoninhell]

And whilst I didn't succeed today it'll be done by the end of the week.

I am sorry to the people it will hurt but I can't keep feeling this way. I'm homeless, jobless and mentally ill. The doctors have all said there's nothing that can be done for me and no one will believe me.

I keep being told to contact the crisis team as if that will do anything.

I'm going out on my terms. I'm not freezing to death on the streets.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you find freedom from suffering, I wish you the best.

 

[toanachreoninhell]

I hope that you find freedom from suffering, I wish you the best.

Thank you

 

[tpboy]

i understand why you feel this way. i have a similar issue upcoming.

 

[toanachreoninhell]

I got this response from my brother.
"Messages after you burned bridges are in essence acceptable. If you actually wish to apologise.

I'm deeply and truly tired of your shit.

Self pity ridden veiled suicide threats are manipulative and tiresome grow the fuck up.

Don't bloody message me again. The next time I see one I'll come round and feed you your fucking phone."

All I said was
"I'm sure you'll do great things. Please look after yourself. Goodbye"

Thank you world, I tried to leave some positivity but I couldn't even have that

 

[Kurwenal]

I'm sorry for your suffering and I'm sorry your brother can't be supportive. When the doctors finally admit they can't do anything for you … it's a truly horrific moment. If you want to talk or vent, you are welcome to send me a PM.

Either way, I hope that you find the peace you need soon, whatever form that comes in.

 

[toanachreoninhell]

I'm sorry for your suffering and I'm sorry your brother can't be supportive. When the doctors finally admit they can't do anything for you … it's a truly horrific moment. If you want to talk or vent, you are welcome to send me a PM.

Either way, I hope that you find the peace you need soon, whatever form that comes in.

Thank you. I'm supposed to get an autism assessment but it's taken them years to send the questionnaire out for the initial appointment. Maybe it would help but I'm already homeless and alienated from the people who are supposed to give a shit.

I'm beginning to wonder if the problem really has always been me? I mean it's hard not to look at everything and see the common element.

I prayed for the first time in decades yesterday. Blind drunk on cheap whisky staring up at a noose and I prayed.

A staunch atheist for most of my life and I was so desperate for someone to help that I betrayed my own beliefs.

I don't know. My partner (who is in another country) begged me to stop self harming early this morning, I agreed as much as I could and tried to tell her that I've been struggling extremely badly for days but I just started to feel that the world is indifferent to my struggles and keeps trying to equivocate it with minor annoyances.

I'm homeless, broke, and suicidal but that's somehow less important than someone not getting the Easter that they wanted.

She's talking about moving country to help me but I would need more permanent accomodation before that and a decent income.

I don't want to hurt her but I don't want to die on the streets. I at least want that choice for myself, y'know?