I had this obsession with trying to get into a relationship with this girl, we were best friends for four years during which I developed anorexia. I hoped that starving myself would somehow make myself attractive. After I reached about BMI16-17 I couldnt exercise anymore and I stopped restricting. I guess I got tired of waiting and tried to ask her out a number of times and it scared her off. I felt I needed her and I just kept telling her about how I felt and how I was feeling until the police were telling me that I was harassing her.
I've always been suicidal, I tried first when I was about nine. So I attempted to commit but this time I told a bunch of uni friends after I failed and they said they would help me. I bombarded them with messages about how I was feeling, how angry I was with my best friend for leaving me, how much I hated life in general. Sometimes about how they weren't enough to replace her and they got too overwhelmed and left me too. I kept messaging them and begging for them to help me. Then they started banning me from societies at uni that I was in because they were in them too and I spent about a year out working in industry and on and off attempting to get SN, hanging, going to high bridges ect. Finally this year I tried to rejoin societies and have a seperate life from them but they banned me and I got very angry and threatened to set myself on fire.
I reported them for not letting me join and a bunch of other things and jokes they did while I was around and they reported me to the police resulting in me being offered a criminal caution. I am most likely going to lose the degree I spent so long working towards, the thing that I care more about than anything. I'm going to lose my career, my home, my future and for one I cant even bring myself to plan suicide its so overwhelming. My parents open all my mail so I cant buy SN anymore. I have a bike lock and a couple of jerry cans but I dont think I actually have the motivation to carry out locking myself to a lampost. I tell myself I want and deserve the pain but I am still scared.
I have been waiting for and trying to get some kind of therapy for about three years now, nothing seems to be happening. No one seems to be able to help and I dont know what to do!
I've always been suicidal, I tried first when I was about nine. So I attempted to commit but this time I told a bunch of uni friends after I failed and they said they would help me. I bombarded them with messages about how I was feeling, how angry I was with my best friend for leaving me, how much I hated life in general. Sometimes about how they weren't enough to replace her and they got too overwhelmed and left me too. I kept messaging them and begging for them to help me. Then they started banning me from societies at uni that I was in because they were in them too and I spent about a year out working in industry and on and off attempting to get SN, hanging, going to high bridges ect. Finally this year I tried to rejoin societies and have a seperate life from them but they banned me and I got very angry and threatened to set myself on fire.
I reported them for not letting me join and a bunch of other things and jokes they did while I was around and they reported me to the police resulting in me being offered a criminal caution. I am most likely going to lose the degree I spent so long working towards, the thing that I care more about than anything. I'm going to lose my career, my home, my future and for one I cant even bring myself to plan suicide its so overwhelming. My parents open all my mail so I cant buy SN anymore. I have a bike lock and a couple of jerry cans but I dont think I actually have the motivation to carry out locking myself to a lampost. I tell myself I want and deserve the pain but I am still scared.
I have been waiting for and trying to get some kind of therapy for about three years now, nothing seems to be happening. No one seems to be able to help and I dont know what to do!
