Venting i've ran out of time but still can't muster up the courage to do it

[finallydone]

at this point in my life, i truly ran out of time, i see no future where things can improve, it's a downhill from here onward
also it's weird that the conditions to follow through with my plan seem rather too perfect and i don't know how long will that last for, i mean i got everything now, the time, the freedom, a reliable method and a kind of a safe place to do it
it's like i need my SI to ctb before i do so myself, it's so bad

 

[PetrichorBirth]

Don't pressure yourself