Venting I’ve lost myself

[deletedaccount30982]

I don't recognize myself anymore. Even the successful life I had going for me before I came into the hospital is gone now. I haven't worked in months. I dropped out of school. I can't see my family or friends. I miss my cat, I think about her all the time. I have lost the things I did know about myself. Even if I couldn't enjoy them, I knew that I had them. Now not only can I not enjoy things, but I don't know who I am anymore. This life is agonizing and I can't even CTB.

 

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I haven't been following your story very closely, are you still being kept in a hospital/psych ward?

 

[OTanerd]

I truly understand how you feel, and I hope you can feel better.

Sometimes, I also feel like I've lost myself. I've achieved a lot academically, but right now, I'm at my lowest—I've lost everything. There are times when I dissociate and still imagine myself being successful, even though life isn't like that anymore.

I'm really sorry that you have to go through this.

 

[deletedaccount30982]

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I haven't been following your story very closely, are you still being kept in a hospital/psych ward?

Yes. I've been locked away since October 24. I'm currently in residential.

 

[A Dream of a Dream]

I wish your mind could get a break from itself, even for a little while. Being removed from your life and having to give up things that make you, you, must be even harder when your treatment isn't working. I still hope that you find a way to try ketamine treatment, which can help from the very first dose. Should the time to leave residential approaches, maybe that outpatient can be scheduled as soon as can be, and you are also reunited with your cat. It is worth exhausting all our options. School, work and your apartment are not lost forever.

 

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

I wish your mind could get a break from itself, even for a little while.

I feel this so much. It feels like existence is just so overwhelming, and I could do it if I could just every now and then get a break from it. It seems for most people a weekend or a vacation is enough, that's the break they need to 'recharge' and get ready again for the stress of normal life. But for me it isn't enough, because I still think, feel, eat, exist. The bad feelings (both mental and physical from my chronic illness) don't go away even for a day, it's just constant pain except for when I'm asleep.