Venting I've just been hospitalized against my will and it's traumatizing

[Sheepskin]

This might come off as a bit manic so sorry if it's barely understandable but I'm in shock and very afraid. At least they let me keep my phone but holy fucking shit. I thought i still had a choice regarding my stay at a mental institution but no. I had a choice between agreeing and staying for an observatory period or disagreeing and being detained and staying longer and going through court. These pieces of shit asked my why i bursted out crying after they told me that. These people are so fucking detached from reality it's insane. I'm a trans girl so they of course misgendered me a lot and originally intended on putting me in a room with men. Luckily after some reasoning they didn't and thank god they didn't because all the people here are really old like 35+ and all the men thirstly and indiscreetly stare at me every chance they get. I'm in a room with an actual schizophrenic. She keeps talking nonsense to herself e.g. "did you know my brother is dead ... they are manipulating me ... i must contact Banksy"etc. while i was writing this she said so much weird shit that i just would not be able to write down she keeps asking about our phones and if we've taken her phone she mutteted to herself that "if she doesn't find her glasses she's going to kill someone .. literally". I share a room with her and this one enby about my age that's normal and chill and that's why i keep saying "we". Every now and then a creepy man comes up to our room and stares right at me through a little window. I'm really afraid of the night for obvious reasons and coming out of this room which by itself doesn't feel safe at all feels straight up threatning. How am to supposed to get better in here. I could probably say much more but this is already a lot and i'm so fucking done with life. There is no reality in which i come out of here better. I can't imagine going back to university. The worst thing is that all of this is happening because i tried to get help. I can't fucking stand this world.

Tldr be very cautious od what you tell mental health "professionals"

 

[Sheepskin]

The guy that kept staring at me harrassed me during supper. He came up to our table and poured some of his tea to my cup and after that started rambling like speaking and in his mind he probably was speaking clearly but what came out was unintelligible but fast and focused. After we stood up to leave he took my plate in his own weird kind of polite way and poured more tea into my cup but it overflowed and spilled on the ground. He and the schizo woman kept following me while i cleaned up that mess. Not long after i returned to my room i laid in my bed but the genuine diagnosed schizophrenic woman kept sitting on it and trying to pet me. Naturally i asked her to stop multiple times. I attempted to go to sleep but she kept talking to herself and or me and getting closer to me physically. When she laid herself on me i was fucking done. I got up and talked to the staff that this is fucking unacceptable and will give me more trauma and they basically said to just deal with it. After one of them commented that i should just tell the schizophrenic to stop i told her crying that that didn't really work on my rapist and i don't think it will here. She just replied kind of shocked that those are completely different situations. After that they brought the woman in to i guess tell her to maybe leave me alone. She's still my fucking roommate and very mentally ill. I'm shaking from fear. Do these people not see how this will only make me worse

 

[Hollowman]

They don't care if it makes you worse they just want money.

 

[Irisse]

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you, how much more do you have to stay? I really don't understand the mental health system, how is this supposed to help anyone? Try not to leave the room alone. I'm glad that the enby is chill at least, if it makes you feel safer, hang out with them. Did you tell the staff about the creepy guy as well or just the schizophrenic woman?

 

[Sheepskin]

They don't care if it makes you worse they just want money.

I generally agree with your sentiment but I'm in a government-funded hospital, they won't get paid. I really don't know what they want from me

 

[Hollowman]

I generally agree with your sentiment but I'm in a government-funded hospital, they won't get paid. I really don't know what they want from me

They want you to work/pay taxes

 

[Sheepskin]

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you, how much more do you have to stay? I really don't understand the mental health system, how is this supposed to help anyone? Try not to leave the room alone. I'm glad that the enby is chill at least, if it makes you feel safer, hang out with them. Did you tell the staff about the creepy guy as well or just the schizophrenic woman?

They told me that if I agree to staying I will be monitored for 2-3 days and then leave if they decide I'm not an active suicide risk, then they added than this period may last up to 10 days.

We generally try to leave this room very rarely and ideally together. I'm so glad that they put the both of us in the same room because they seem like the only normal person (including the staff).

I mentioned the creepy guy but only briefly. I was in distress and didn't want to come off as too mentally unstable, so I tried to keep my complaints as focused as possible and the woman is the more immediate problem (as I am writing this she "let someone into the room to intruduce me" of course nobody but her entered the room, afterwards she commented that my ankles look sickly and "we will have to help", this is actual psychological torture). If the guy repeats anything resembling that last incident, he will be the topic of my next conversation with the staff

They want you to work/pay taxes

You are absolutely right. I didn't think of that then

 

[Hollowman]

Sorry you're in there I have been too a couple times.

 

[Irisse]

They told me that if I agree to staying I will be monitored for 2-3 days and then leave if they decide I'm not an active suicide risk, then they added than this period may last up to 10 days.

We generally try to leave this room very rarely and ideally together. I'm so glad that they put the both of us in the same room because they seem like the only normal person (including the staff).

I mentioned the creepy guy but only briefly. I was in distress and didn't want to come off as too mentally unstable, so I tried to keep my complaints as focused as possible and the woman is the more immediate problem (as I am writing this she "let someone into the room to intruduce me" of course nobody but her entered the room, afterwards she commented that my ankles look sickly and "we will have to help", this is actual psychological torture). If the guy repeats anything resembling that last incident, he will be the topic of my next conversation with the staff

I understand. The schizophrenic woman is definitely a priority. I'm glad that you and the non binary person have each other and that you're looking out for each other's safety. I honestly don't know what to do when the staff is like this, maybe if you both testify against that woman the staff will actually do something? I understand if you don't want to, though. 10 days is a lot in such an environment, do you have any other distractions besides your phone?

 

[Sheepskin]

I understand. The schizophrenic woman is definitely a priority. I'm glad that you and the non binary person have each other and that you're looking out for each other's safety. I honestly don't know what to do when the staff is like this, maybe if you both testify against that woman the staff will actually do something? I understand if you don't want to, though. 10 days is a lot in such an environment, do you have any other distractions besides your phone?

I doubt the staff can really do anything about that woman. The enby has already discussed this with them too on their own.

I pray that my stay will be shorter than 10 days. Currently I have a few books but reading them in these conditions is a struggle. I also have headphones so it shouldn't be that difficult to distract myself

 

[ObsidianMidnightSky]

Mental hospitals are often improperly managed. Here are some tips on how to navigate them:

Find out the command chain. Find out the formal complaint process. Act reasonable and calm. If allowed, ask for the applicable form or a writing tool and paper to document your complaints. Keep a copy for yourself before submitting it. The staff will not properly document things nor escalate it. They will avoid telling you how the system works, but there should be legally-binding information posted somewhere if they don't tell you. Ask for a copy of anything you sign and read it.

Submit a written request for release asap. They make it sound like you have 3 days of observation, but they often don't tell you that those start after a formal request if they deem you are not ready. They use this fear tactic to scare you so they don't have to go through the involuntary process. You can usually revoke it within the 3 days if you think they're certainly going to follow through. Don't let them scare you out of the initial signing.

Lay low, act functional and stable, and wait for the observation period to end.

It sounds like you are in a unit that combines severe and mild cases. These are the worst because the severe cases are under-monitored. Don't let it prevent you from looking for help later. Not all places have this structure.

 

[kazatte]

i am so, so sorry that you are going through this. it's very ironic that a system meant to help the mentally ill tends to hurt them more often

i hope you can get out of this awful situation soon. i'm proud of you for trying to seek help, and i'm so sorry this is happening to you. please stay as safe as you can

 

[Sheepskin]

Mental hospitals are often improperly managed. Here are some tips on how to navigate them:

Find out the command chain. Find out the formal complaint process. Act reasonable and calm. If allowed, ask for the applicable form or a writing tool and paper to document your complaints. Keep a copy for yourself before submitting it. The staff will not properly document things nor escalate it. They will avoid telling you how the system works, but there should be legally-binding information posted somewhere if they don't tell you. Ask for a copy of anything you sign and read it.

Submit a written request for release asap. They make it sound like you have 3 days of observation, but they often don't tell you that those start after a formal request if they deem you are not ready. They use this fear tactic to scare you so they don't have to go through the involuntary process. You can usually revoke it within the 3 days if you think they're certainly going to follow through. Don't let them scare you out of the initial signing.

Lay low, act functional and stable, and wait for the observation period to end.

It sounds like you are in a unit that combines severe and mild cases. These are the worst because the severe cases are under-monitored. Don't let it prevent you from looking for help later. Not all places have this structure.

Thank you so much for the help. I didn't know about having to write a request for release. I'm trying to act functional and stable but in these conditions that's quite the challenge.

Maybe I'll attempt to look for help but not really in the near future. Tysm for the help again

 

[Sheepskin]

Ok I've just talked with a psychotherapist and she came to the conclusion that my issues can just about be boiled down to dealing with bpd and if I want to leave (I mentioned wanting to write a request for release) I should be able to as she doesn't really see any reason to force my stay. I don't wanna get my hopes up too high and then get severely disappointed but I might be leaving soon
Alright I'm by 3:00 PM.

Thank you all for helping me keep sane these last 24 hours <3

 

[ifihadnever]

I found beinf hospitalised so traumatic.....was years ago but I've never recovered. I'm sorry you are going through this & hope you make it out ASAP!

 

[flowerbomb]

I am so sorry to hear you are in this situation..... I hope you can leave soon!!!

 

[Sheepskin]

I found beinf hospitalised so traumatic.....was years ago but I've never recovered. I'm sorry you are going through this & hope you make it out ASAP!

It's very sad how being traumatized and disncouraged from looking for professional help is not that rare of an experience. Luckily they already let me out, but they went from one extreme to another. In the span of 24 hours I was declared a threat to myself and had to be put in a mental institution after which they pronounced me okay and not even needing pharmacotherapy (??)

 

[ifihadnever]

Oh im sorry to hear this, although this doesn't suprise me. They seem to throw people in hospital and then throw them out without any aftercare. I'm not sure what mental health services think they are going to achieve. You must be feeling quite confused and shaken. Sorry for your experience

 

[I'm scared]

How are you today?

 

[Keridwen]

I'm so sorry you're in this situation, and I'm especially sorry you were misgendered! I hope you feel safe where you are at the moment even if your room mate is an issue. If you don't feel safe make sure to tell staff as they will be able to move you, and whilst being institutionalised isn't what you want right now make sure you make the most of the therapies they offer as the psychiatric help when not hospitalised can take months/years. I know this isn't where you want to be, but make it work for you x
And advocate for yourself! Always x

 

[Sheepskin]

Oh im sorry to hear this, although this doesn't suprise me. They seem to throw people in hospital and then throw them out without any aftercare. I'm not sure what mental health services think they are going to achieve. You must be feeling quite confused and shaken. Sorry for your experience

As of now the only thing they achieved is afirming my feeling of being unfixable and just born this way (I'm not saying that I certainly am, but now I definitely do feel as if I were)

How are you today?

Better than when inside the psych ward, but worse than before. After they let me out I met up with my partner and spent the rest of the day with them. I really don't like when this happens but I broke down crying in their arms multiple times. I'm terribly tired of everything and look to the future with fear. I feel very helpless. Thank you for asking though, it means a lot

 

[AntisocialGG]

This might come off as a bit manic so sorry if it's barely understandable but I'm in shock and very afraid. At least they let me keep my phone but holy fucking shit. I thought i still had a choice regarding my stay at a mental institution but no. I had a choice between agreeing and staying for an observatory period or disagreeing and being detained and staying longer and going through court. These pieces of shit asked my why i bursted out crying after they told me that. These people are so fucking detached from reality it's insane. I'm a trans girl so they of course misgendered me a lot and originally intended on putting me in a room with men. Luckily after some reasoning they didn't and thank god they didn't because all the people here are really old like 35+ and all the men thirstly and indiscreetly stare at me every chance they get. I'm in a room with an actual schizophrenic. She keeps talking nonsense to herself e.g. "did you know my brother is dead ... they are manipulating me ... i must contact Banksy"etc. while i was writing this she said so much weird shit that i just would not be able to write down she keeps asking about our phones and if we've taken her phone she mutteted to herself that "if she doesn't find her glasses she's going to kill someone .. literally". I share a room with her and this one enby about my age that's normal and chill and that's why i keep saying "we". Every now and then a creepy man comes up to our room and stares right at me through a little window. I'm really afraid of the night for obvious reasons and coming out of this room which by itself doesn't feel safe at all feels straight up threatning. How am to supposed to get better in here. I could probably say much more but this is already a lot and i'm so fucking done with life. There is no reality in which i come out of here better. I can't imagine going back to university. The worst thing is that all of this is happening because i tried to get help. I can't fucking stand this world.

Tldr be very cautious od what you tell mental health "professionals"

Just read this first bit and i'm so sorry you had to go through such situation against your will. Tho i'm wondering where is this ? i confessed some serious crimes, suicidal methods, dates, and i've only been in a hospital for 3 days, ill say that it wasn't fun, rather boring (even tho i do hate anti psychotics now). This is all in Spain btw

 

[Sheepskin]

Just read this first bit and i'm so sorry you had to go through such situation against your will. Tho i'm wondering where is this ? i confessed some serious crimes, suicidal methods, dates, and i've only been in a hospital for 3 days, ill say that it wasn't fun, rather boring (even tho i do hate anti psychotics now). This is all in Spain btw

Polnad, Wrocław to be exact. I mentioned methods I'd use if I were to attempt, but specified only struggling with general resignation and suicidal ideation and not planning on actually following through with them. I told her I never even attempted. Sadly I also expressed feeling that I don't have much time left in this life and that it would be a success if I were to make it beyond another year. I thought I was pretty thorough in explaining that even though I felt all these things I didn't intend on killing myself and just wanted to. However I guess that's too foreign of a concept for a psychiatrist

 

[mafuyu]

When I was a minor I was forced into hospitalization and there were these two girls who literally said they were going to kill me every night. Nobody cared. I also cut myself while there and nobody found out lmao, absolute geniuses running that place

 

[Sheepskin]

When I was a minor I was forced into hospitalization and there were these two girls who literally said they were going to kill me every night. Nobody cared. I also cut myself while there and nobody found out lmao, absolute geniuses running that place

It's insane how negligent the staff at these places are. They put you in there under the guise of helping and protecting you, but if you mention a specific reason for feeling unsafe and worse in that environment they won't even attempt to help you. Sorry you went through that

 

[_Gollum_]

I've said it before and I'll say it again, those places are designed to INDUCE mental illness, not alleviate it: no sunlight, no exercise, no social support, no privacy, no safety.

 

[l1f31spa1n]

I'm wholeheartedly with you. I know this will be extremely difficult, but you have to tell them everything they want to hear in order to get out of there as quickly as possible. What those people want is simply not to have your death on their conscience… It's a shame, but what's good for you, they couldn't care less about. So play a role and give them what they want. I know it will be hard… I'm sending you strength and praying for you.