Venting I've just been hospitalized against my will and it's traumatizing

[Sheepskin]

This might come off as a bit manic so sorry if it's barely understandable but I'm in shock and very afraid. At least they let me keep my phone but holy fucking shit. I thought i still had a choice regarding my stay at a mental institution but no. I had a choice between agreeing and staying for an observatory period or disagreeing and being detained and staying longer and going through court. These pieces of shit asked my why i bursted out crying after they told me that. These people are so fucking detached from reality it's insane. I'm a trans girl so they of course misgendered me a lot and originally intended on putting me in a room with men. Luckily after some reasoning they didn't and thank god they didn't because all the people here are really old like 35+ and all the men thirstly and indiscreetly stare at me every chance they get. I'm in a room with an actual schizophrenic. She keeps talking nonsense to herself e.g. "did you know my brother is dead ... they are manipulating me ... i must contact Banksy"etc. while i was writing this she said so much weird shit that i just would not be able to write down she keeps asking about our phones and if we've taken her phone she mutteted to herself that "if she doesn't find her glasses she's going to kill someone .. literally". I share a room with her and this one enby about my age that's normal and chill and that's why i keep saying "we". Every now and then a creepy man comes up to our room and stares right at me through a little window. I'm really afraid of the night for obvious reasons and coming out of this room which by itself doesn't feel safe at all feels straight up threatning. How am to supposed to get better in here. I could probably say much more but this is already a lot and i'm so fucking done with life. There is no reality in which i come out of here better. I can't imagine going back to university. The worst thing is that all of this is happening because i tried to get help. I can't fucking stand this world.

Tldr be very cautious od what you tell mental health "professionals"

 

[Sheepskin]

The guy that kept staring at me harrassed me during supper. He came up to our table and poured some of his tea to my cup and after that started rambling like speaking and in his mind he probably was speaking clearly but what came out was unintelligible but fast and focused. After we stood up to leave he took my plate in his own weird kind of polite way and poured more tea into my cup but it overflowed and spilled on the ground. He and the schizo woman kept following me while i cleaned up that mess. Not long after i returned to my room i laid in my bed but the genuine diagnosed schizophrenic woman kept sitting on it and trying to pet me. Naturally i asked her to stop multiple times. I attempted to go to sleep but she kept talking to herself and or me and getting closer to me physically. When she laid herself on me i was fucking done. I got up and talked to the staff that this is fucking unacceptable and will give me more trauma and they basically said to just deal with it. After one of them commented that i should just tell the schizophrenic to stop i told her crying that that didn't really work on my rapist and i don't think it will here. She just replied kind of shocked that those are completely different situations. After that they brought the woman in to i guess tell her to maybe leave me alone. She's still my fucking roommate and very mentally ill. I'm shaking from fear. Do these people not see how this will only make me worse

 

[Hollowman]

They don't care if it makes you worse they just want money.

 

[Irisse]

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you, how much more do you have to stay? I really don't understand the mental health system, how is this supposed to help anyone? Try not to leave the room alone. I'm glad that the enby is chill at least, if it makes you feel safer, hang out with them. Did you tell the staff about the creepy guy as well or just the schizophrenic woman?

 

[Sheepskin]

They don't care if it makes you worse they just want money.

I generally agree with your sentiment but I'm in a government-funded hospital, they won't get paid. I really don't know what they want from me

 

[Hollowman]

I generally agree with your sentiment but I'm in a government-funded hospital, they won't get paid. I really don't know what they want from me

They want you to work/pay taxes

 

[Sheepskin]

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you, how much more do you have to stay? I really don't understand the mental health system, how is this supposed to help anyone? Try not to leave the room alone. I'm glad that the enby is chill at least, if it makes you feel safer, hang out with them. Did you tell the staff about the creepy guy as well or just the schizophrenic woman?

They told me that if I agree to staying I will be monitored for 2-3 days and then leave if they decide I'm not an active suicide risk, then they added than this period may last up to 10 days.

We generally try to leave this room very rarely and ideally together. I'm so glad that they put the both of us in the same room because they seem like the only normal person (including the staff).

I mentioned the creepy guy but only briefly. I was in distress and didn't want to come off as too mentally unstable, so I tried to keep my complaints as focused as possible and the woman is the more immediate problem (as I am writing this she "let someone into the room to intruduce me" of course nobody but her entered the room, afterwards she commented that my ankles look sickly and "we will have to help", this is actual psychological torture). If the guy repeats anything resembling that last incident, he will be the topic of my next conversation with the staff

They want you to work/pay taxes

You are absolutely right. I didn't think of that then

 

[Hollowman]

Sorry you're in there I have been too a couple times.

 

[Irisse]

They told me that if I agree to staying I will be monitored for 2-3 days and then leave if they decide I'm not an active suicide risk, then they added than this period may last up to 10 days.

We generally try to leave this room very rarely and ideally together. I'm so glad that they put the both of us in the same room because they seem like the only normal person (including the staff).

I mentioned the creepy guy but only briefly. I was in distress and didn't want to come off as too mentally unstable, so I tried to keep my complaints as focused as possible and the woman is the more immediate problem (as I am writing this she "let someone into the room to intruduce me" of course nobody but her entered the room, afterwards she commented that my ankles look sickly and "we will have to help", this is actual psychological torture). If the guy repeats anything resembling that last incident, he will be the topic of my next conversation with the staff

I understand. The schizophrenic woman is definitely a priority. I'm glad that you and the non binary person have each other and that you're looking out for each other's safety. I honestly don't know what to do when the staff is like this, maybe if you both testify against that woman the staff will actually do something? I understand if you don't want to, though. 10 days is a lot in such an environment, do you have any other distractions besides your phone?

 

[Sheepskin]

I understand. The schizophrenic woman is definitely a priority. I'm glad that you and the non binary person have each other and that you're looking out for each other's safety. I honestly don't know what to do when the staff is like this, maybe if you both testify against that woman the staff will actually do something? I understand if you don't want to, though. 10 days is a lot in such an environment, do you have any other distractions besides your phone?

I doubt the staff can really do anything about that woman. The enby has already discussed this with them too on their own.

I pray that my stay will be shorter than 10 days. Currently I have a few books but reading them in these conditions is a struggle. I also have headphones so it shouldn't be that difficult to distract myself