Story I've gone from wanting to die to wanting to retire

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I've been making what I feel is pretty significant life progress in recent weeks. I've basically ditched the internet as much as possible, and have forced myself out of the house in order to work more.

I do have fatigue-related issues that impact my functioning, but I have made a conscious effort to push through. Basically I've compartmentalized things. I've said okay, I'm very tired, but I can still just about do this. And there have been times where it hasn't worked - where I've had to cut my shifts short and come home to rest. But for the most part, I've done pretty well.

I'm fortunate to have good assets and savings, and I met with a financial planner recently to combine all this with my earnings and start to work on growing and compounding my money. I feel that although everything is a struggle, I can maybe see this thing called life through - with the caveat that my chronic illness doesn't worsen. I guess I'm becoming cautiously optimistic about becoming comfortable in certain areas, despite my health situation being far from ideal.

I've always said that the internet is my safe space, but I have to say that I feel better for going without it. It's sort of a deceptive safety blanket. Because of course it feels good to waste time on it, but at the end of the day, it's almost always going to make a person more reclusive, and limit their productivity.

Of course, I'm not immune to setbacks, and God knows I'm prone to relapsing when the going gets tough. But for now I feel I'm on the right path. Or at least, a better one than I was previously on.

 

[3/4Dead]

I hope things continue to go well for you! Living semi-comfortably and being able to enjoy the things that you can for as long as you can is truly a great thing and I'm always happy to hear things work out well for them.

 

[JaJu]

Really encouraging to hear that and I wish the best for you going forward.
I think you do have a point with setting more time away from being online and forcing yourself to get out of the house.. because that's kind of what I'm trying to do as well and while I definitely crave going back to living as a recluse or a hikikomori.. just sleeping for as long as I want and not having to worry about being committed to a schedule, I sadly see the consequences in the future for myself from living that way. Getting fresh air is always great (whether through the window or going outside), and I feel glad when I bump into at least one kind stranger or coworker that day.
Anyway, relapses are a reasonable part of making progress, so when you do experience that and come back to the internet for your safe space, I hope you will receive the encouragement you need to get back on the path that feels right for you. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm glad you've a way to go on and things work out well for you! Good luck!!

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Thanks you guys, I appreciate the input and support.

Yeah the touch grass thing always sounds like such a bullshit cliché but there is something to be said for pushing yourself in situations where you're able to.

My own condition waxes and wanes. I have good and bad phases. Some weeks I can't do shit, and others I have a fairly decent level of functioning that approaches something resembling normal. I just have to work with it and not beat myself up about a dip here and there.

Hope you are all doing as well as possible atm.