I've failed my recovery

[KadathianStr1d3r]

Doubt anyone would care since I'm a long time lurker and was never a part of the sophisticated suicide discussion group.
Let's cut the story short, I failed my recovery attempts.
My life has been going downhill ever since I wrote that intent to destroy people letter back when I was 13 which got me into trouble big time, I'm a scumbag who should've offer himself at 13 and never bothered to tell his Mom that he down two bottles of pills. I never had real friends and only had aquintances. My family is a stupid joke that ranges from my delusional pill addict health failing mother and my distant out of touch father.
I'm about to lose my job and with very options left I feel scared.
I have low intelligence and nowhere to go.
Whenever I'm in pain or am crying strangers and coworkers pretend I don't exist! I could just livestream my own suicide right now and nobody would even lift a hand to stop me no wait in fact they would but in a condescending manner all the time! I'm 25 years old and I'm being treated like some dumb child! I can't stand people anymore, it's impossible to be left alone without being punished!
I want to kill myself more than ever!
God why!?!

P.s. long rant I know but I just don't care anymore. I want to die before I turn 30.

 

[Under The Graveyard]

I know it's rough. I went through a suicide attempt last year, and whatever so called friends I had left, deserted me when it was found out. Now like you, I could live stream it and not a single person would care to lift a finger.

I would rather be alone than around people who pretend they care.

I feel for you, and know exactly how you feel.

 

[KadathianStr1d3r]

I know it's rough. I went through a suicide attempt last year, and whatever so called friends I had left, deserted me when it was found out. Now like you, I could live stream it and not a single person would care to lift a finger.

I would rather be alone than around people who pretend they care.

I feel for you, and know exactly how you feel.

I got the firearm means, I think I'm ready to go at this point. Judging by people's previous attempts they were all acted out on impulse during a brief enough period of extreme and unmanageable emotional turmoil. I'll have to keep it in close proximity now, I know some discreet places around here but I really don't care if I traumatized strangers since they already think I'm a freak already.

 

[fox_wannabe]

P.s. long rant I know but I just don't care anymore. I want to die before I turn 30.

Sorry to hear things do not work for you. We cannot change many things about us, even if we want. Truth is game was rigged from the start...
I hope you find peace.

 

[Under The Graveyard]

I got the firearm means, I think I'm ready to go at this point. Judging by people's previous attempts they were all acted out on impulse during a brief enough period of extreme and unmanageable emotional turmoil. I'll have to keep it in close proximity now, I know some discreet places around here but I really don't care if I traumatized strangers since they already think I'm a freak already.

The gun method isn't my choice to go with, I'd rather something more peaceful, but to each their own.

My last attempt wasn't done on impulse, I had been planning that out for well over a year, but it did fail. I blame myself for not checking one final thing beforehand. And because of that one thing, I have partial numbness on my left side of body. I can use left arm and hand ok, but due to the numbness in left leg, I can't walk long distance without becoming worn out.

But this will not deter me from finishing my plan. I will try again and make sure I don't make that same mistake.

 

[KadathianStr1d3r]

The gun method isn't my choice to go with, I'd rather something more peaceful, but to each their own.

My last attempt wasn't done on impulse, I had been planning that out for well over a year, but it did fail. I blame myself for not checking one final thing beforehand. And because of that one thing, I have partial numbness on my left side of body. I can use left arm and hand ok, but due to the numbness in left leg, I can't walk long distance without becoming worn out.

But this will not deter me from finishing my plan. I will try again and make sure I don't make that same mistake.

Geez that sounded rough. Hopefully everything works out for you too.
I heard some scary stories regarding the firearm method and how the angle of the gun can blow your face off but you'll still be alive! That is just freaky scary. But don't worry I've been practicing by angle aiming the rifle to the brain stem and I think I got it burnt into muscle memory.

Sorry to hear things do not work for you. We cannot change many things about us, even if we want. Truth is game was rigged from the start...
I hope you find peace.

Thanks. I hope you find peace too :)

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering. I can imagine it must be a hopeless feeling when you try to recover and things do not work out. Life is just so depressing. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[KadathianStr1d3r]

I'm sorry you are suffering. I can imagine it must be a hopeless feeling when you try to recover and things do not work out. Life is just so depressing. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

Everything will be okay now, I'll admit I never had any physical or real enough chance to recover but it was worth a shot. Now all I have to do is keep the means to my own end close at hand. Everything will be over for me hopefully soon.