Venting I’ve conditioned myself to not want to eat or drink

[willitpass]

I've been microoverdosing on tylenol for a few weeks as a self harm method, which has made me rather nauseous. I also have a weird rule for myself that I'm not allowed to drink water and I have to minimally hydrated. I only allow myself to drink sugar free energy drinks and diet coke. I live off of diet food that's sugar free and low calorie, the kind of food known for fucking up peoples stomachs. I've completely fucked my GI tract to the point where I'm always nauseous and uncomfortable. I also have so many mental restrictions about what foods are safe and what foods are not allowed. It's to the point where the only time I'll eat or drink is when my blood sugar drops so low I'm feeling faint because I've conditioned myself to associate food and drinks with discomfort.

 

[canterye]

I've done this with benadryl before, genuinely my favorite SH method. the rush i get from being dizzy and not being able to stay awake for full days and just overall ruining my life because of the effects of microoverdoing will always be superior to methods of temporary relief compared to overall pain for sometimes weeks.

 

[sserafim]

How do you condition yourself to not want to drink water? I failed VSED because I got thirsty lol. I also have a caffeine addiction. I only drink water, milk, coffee and tea though

 

[willitpass]

I've done this with benadryl before, genuinely my favorite SH method. the rush i get from being dizzy and not being able to stay awake for full days and just overall ruining my life because of the effects of microoverdoing will always be superior to methods of temporary relief compared to overall pain for sometimes weeks.

I hate the way microoverdosing on benadryl makes me feel. It gives me this weird electric feeling throughout my body and makes me drowsy but I still stay awake. I only do it when I truly despise myself beyond words because it's so uncomfortable.

How do you condition yourself to not want to drink water? I failed VSED because I got thirsty lol

I still drink things. I just have some illogical rule with myself that it can't be water. If I'm thirsty I can only drink sugar free drinks. It kills my stomach, it makes me nauseous. Sometimes I sit there and fantasize about a nice cold glass of ice water for hours before ultimately settling for a diet coke even though it hurts.

If someone as strong willed as I am who starves myself, takes whole bottles of laxatives at a time, refuses to drink straight water, microoverdoses on meds daily, and otherwise genuinely tortures myself to the point that it's probably be considered a war crime if I did this to another human being has tried and failed VSED, I think it's safe to say VSED is probably out of reach for practically every person who isn't on hospice.