Hey all, due to bullying and social anxiety, PTSD etc, for my entire life I have avoided building deeper connections with people. My family is small and not close, so its just me dealing with my issues.
The only person that understood my issues was my mom and she died recently due to the cancer. If I could go back in time I would be more social because nepotism rules the world. Not having this social circle has led me to have no direction, no career and stuck in the mud at 29.
I was also never into movies, cars, tv shows because I thought it was dumb and this thinking has led me to be limited in my interactions with people and find a niche like people have with anime, movies, shows etc. I do listen to a lot of music and want to start producing it electronically so that would be my only hobby but I haven't started yet.
I love working out and being active but I'm balding and should shave it off, I can't do the transplant because it's too thin and already gone too much. Last time I've had sex was 6 years ago, and I've only had it with two people for maybe 8-10 times, can't say I did well and I struggle with erectile dysfunction and its small, 5 inches erect, very skinny. So what is the point of finding a relationship if I have all this baggage or ill have to accept being a cuck or be cheated on?
I am thinking of calling 9-8-8 because everyday I just stay at home and withdraw from interacting with people. I've started to volunteer at a homeless kitchen but it is depressing seeing people that are just like me with their issues and I could easily be them in the future. I tried changing paths into software development diploma and ended up working at a bs job doing some software development but not enough because my boss was an Asperger/autistic who loved to control everything and had such an ego, never wanted to teach me anything.
I don't want to give up, I want to live a happy life. I'm confident I can, just right now it's very tough for me and I've had very dark thoughts that I'm starting to lose control of. My ultimate goal would just be to make 60-80k cad and live in my eastern Europe country that my parents are from because I can just escape the baggage of my life here and live a new life and start over with no friends without the stigma.
The only person that understood my issues was my mom and she died recently due to the cancer. If I could go back in time I would be more social because nepotism rules the world. Not having this social circle has led me to have no direction, no career and stuck in the mud at 29.
I was also never into movies, cars, tv shows because I thought it was dumb and this thinking has led me to be limited in my interactions with people and find a niche like people have with anime, movies, shows etc. I do listen to a lot of music and want to start producing it electronically so that would be my only hobby but I haven't started yet.
I love working out and being active but I'm balding and should shave it off, I can't do the transplant because it's too thin and already gone too much. Last time I've had sex was 6 years ago, and I've only had it with two people for maybe 8-10 times, can't say I did well and I struggle with erectile dysfunction and its small, 5 inches erect, very skinny. So what is the point of finding a relationship if I have all this baggage or ill have to accept being a cuck or be cheated on?
I am thinking of calling 9-8-8 because everyday I just stay at home and withdraw from interacting with people. I've started to volunteer at a homeless kitchen but it is depressing seeing people that are just like me with their issues and I could easily be them in the future. I tried changing paths into software development diploma and ended up working at a bs job doing some software development but not enough because my boss was an Asperger/autistic who loved to control everything and had such an ego, never wanted to teach me anything.
I don't want to give up, I want to live a happy life. I'm confident I can, just right now it's very tough for me and I've had very dark thoughts that I'm starting to lose control of. My ultimate goal would just be to make 60-80k cad and live in my eastern Europe country that my parents are from because I can just escape the baggage of my life here and live a new life and start over with no friends without the stigma.
