Venting Ive always regretted not dying

[capi]

A lot of people are like "youre so young- what could possibly be holding you down?" But i dont know how to say that, for my entire life, i have never once been grateful i didnt die, or didnt get access to a method while i had the chance. Even after really good moments have happened, even after moments my life became better, i still regret not dying; months, years, decades ago. I regret not getting sn while it was available or N. I never once regretted doing an attempt, only living after it. I regret everyday about my failed attempts.

Never has anything in my life been worth it to me. Ever. I still feel like deep inside, even if my life gets so much better, if I win the lottery, whatever, I'm still always going to think that.

 

[trist]

I feel exactly the same

 

[unluckysadness]

I'm 43 and I wish I would have liked to leave when I was 16, when my life was completely destroyed by severe anxiety and agoraphobia. I would have preferred that my mother had an abortion (it was legal in my country when I was born). I'm sorry for my mother. Fortunately she won't read these lines.

 

[Irisse]

Same, I wish I died at 12 years old before everything went sideways. I hate being alive. I wish I could trade my life with people who actually want to live.